February 27, 2016 marks the date of the 20th anniversary of the release of "Pokémon Red" and " Pokémon Green." Twenty years ago, Game Freak and Nintendo blessed us with 151 impossibly perfect sets of pixels that dominated our dreams and defined our imaginations. Not a day goes by where I don’t wish that Pokémon was real.
Over the last two decades, five more generations of Pokémon were released, bringing the total Pokémon count to seven hundred and eighteen. With these new generations also came new sets of Pokémon moves–some which would be extremely helpful in real life. Here are some of those Pokémon moves.
1. Attract
If it is the opposite gender of the user, the target becomes infatuated and less likely to attack.
If an Attract TM was sold in real life, imagine how much it would cost. You would never have to look at another Tinder profile again. You could be the next Rihanna.
2. Dream Eater
The user eats the dreams of a sleeping target. It absorbs half the damage caused to heal its own HP.
This is what I imagine it’s like being Simon Cowell: using other people’s dreams for your own amusement. This move would be useful for when you are stranded on a deserted island or the library and all that you can think about are chicken nuggets and pizza bagels.
3. Focus Energy
The user takes a deep breath and focuses so that critical hits land more easily.
If I could, I would use this before every immunology class. It could also be useful for when I wake up from my nap that was only supposed to last ten minutes but lasted seven hours because studying in bed seemed like a good idea.
4. Psycho Shift
Using its psychic power of suggestion, the user transfers its status conditions to the target.
If you could take all of your worries and concerns and transfer them onto somebody else, who would it be? This move could be used on your roommate that never washes the dishes or takes out the trash, or on that guy on the train that never uses headphones when he is watching YouTube videos.
5. After You
The user helps the target and makes it use its move right after the user.
These are for those awkward moments when the professor asks the class a question and everybody knows the answer but nobody wants to raise their hand, or for those times when you are at a stop light and you are waiting for the other person to go because they have the right of way but they take too long so you both inch up and brake at the same time.
6. Transform
The user transforms into a copy of the target right down to having the same move set.
Even though the possibilities for transformation are endless, the only person I would need to transform into is Rihanna, obviously.
7. Substitute
The user makes a copy of itself using some of its HP. The copy serves as the user’s decoy.
This move is for those times when you find a huge pimple on your face and you don’t want anyone to watch you cower in your shame, or in general, all of those situations where nobody would really notice that you are a tiny stuffed dinosaur.
8. Disable
For several turns, this move prevents the foe from using the move it last used.
Some people just need to stop trying to be like Rihanna. This will help people stop. There can only be two Rihannas!
9. Lick
The target is licked with a long tongue, causing damage. It may also leave the target with paralysis.
Wait, licking people in real life actually does cause paralysis? Spontaneous people-licking should be more socially acceptable.
In conclusion, the Pokémon world is way cooler than our own planet. Happy anniversary, Pokémon. We all look forward to your next big move!
