As I have gotten older, not only have I gained knowledge, but I have also gained perspective: a new orientation of my place in this world. True reality around me was not understood by the younger me. Now that I understand more about treating others with respect and understand the feelings that each human carries, I am much more aware. I am mostly more aware of how people of color have been treated, and are being treated.
I have a big heart for treating everyone like they matter and I am saddened by the fact that I have seen myself thinking less of people of color. I am pained in this honesty, and that is where this poem stems from.
A Heartfelt Apology Beyond Words
It pains me to even say the words. To even have to indicate that this is how I feel. To admit that I, too, am the bad guy here.
Though among this, there is more present than a sorrowful spirit. Impelled through the medium rather, and actively taking root in a desire to empathize, and empower.
But such it does seem impossible to indicate what my heart truly feels.
Not because words don’t exist, but, when in cultural context, the words I organize to express, hold less than what is intended of them.
Sorry is just a word; empty broken and worth nothing that can heal.
It is with great genuine sincerity that I say this to you. Feeling like a hypocrite, even as I catch myself subconsciously treating you differently; less than.
I am not proud of such a reality, in fact it disgusts me. That just because of pigmentation, your reality in this world is a lot harsher on levels than I cant even imagine.
Being exposed to the truth that you have known everyday, has made me see where I have gone wrong in my own life.
Growing up, I never noticed that my life was privileged, when compared to the rest.
That when you sat in a class with me, I had no idea what you or your family had went through and is going through now.
That my ignorance caused me to blindly leave you feeling marginalized. Doing so unintended and passive in spirit.
The ignorance that I held, the blinders that I wore, they all deceived me into not understanding that there was more. That people are more. That the societal vibes present suppress that truth; both conscious and not.
As far as I knew, all were equal and all were treated with respect.
Respect to me was legit, just as the meaning of every sorry that fell from my lips.
Now I don’t know what to say, or how to respond to the injustice that I see as an adult.
Became my sorry means nothing, as all meaning that it once held has now vanished.
Such a word cannot stand even if backed with the greatest of intentions. For every utter of such that is heard, is not understood in a mutual way. Brush along with the wisp of wind that blows on by.
I don’t know what you are going through, and never will I find out.
I do know that this isn’t right, and I am not sure how to make it better.
I’m not writing to give a pity party, but to exclaim that I know your value. To also proclaim the message that there others that do too!
No matter what the cultural norm is, the unspoken vibes and all of the rest, you are strong. The type that I will never be, and the kind that I look up to as truly beautiful.
So with beauty in your being, and determination in your ways, please believe me when I say that I am sorry for way others treat you.
All should be respected, and all should never feel less than due to the color that they are naturally clothed in.
With true indication of the most heartfelt sincerity that I can muster, I am sorry.
But beyond this, I am hopeful for change. I have seen it in myself; the transformation from blind to sight. The possibility for such change is in all.
To acquire activation of such, the only requirement is to be intentionality aware of others and how one individually treats others, no matter what was thought growing up.
