I baked you a cake, all pretty and grand. You were my muse as I made it by hand.

I know showing up out of the blue with a pastry for you may make me look crazed. But you see, I finally found a way to convey how I have been feeling these days.

It was quite a simple recipe- haha, just a little baking therapy.

I took all our old memories and I tossed them in a bowl. And as for my dear hopes for us, I chopped all of them up, whole.

Stirred with sadness, mixed with madness, not made with love. You underestimated me, messed with the wrong one, you have no idea what I'm capable of.

It called for four eggs… smashed on the hood of your car. Relax, ok, it is not like it is a Jaguar.

Some of the ingredients have gone bad, and so have I. Spoiled by the phrase "I love you", ha, what a lie.

One cup of fed up, a dash of realizing you were trash, and one pound of stop coming around.

Oh, and by the way, I made a bonfire with your belongings... yeah, that is that sound.

I left out all the sugar and honey- your old nicknames for me are so sickening it is not even funny.

And you know what, I did not add a pinch of flour. I mean, after all of these years, you never even gave me one inch of a flower.

No, I have realized my life is sweeter without you. I took the eggshells you made me walk on and left them in there, too.

And look, I even added chocolate chips. Where did I get them? The backyard. The chocolatier- my Saint Bernard.

I salted it with my tears. It's a wonder I'm not completely dried out after all these years.

And I baked it at 420 degrees FarenSPITE. Listen, this is certainly no Turkish delight.

I frosted it with "f you" and sprinkled it with "suck it".

No, it is not very healthy, but then again neither were we.

You see, you were like a raisin when I was expecting a chocolate chip. The universe blessed me when you decided to dip.

And I know it is all big and tough, almost like it is compensating for something… you can relate to this, I assume.

Phew! Lucky me, because I used to think our cake would be white- and topped with a bride and groom.

By now I am sure you are probably thinking I need a brain scan but are you aware that the word "maniac" starts with the word "man"?

So go ahead, have a bite. Eat your heart out! I have lost my appetite.

Take it as a token of the heart you have broken.

I am done with you; our time together was a waste. You, sir, are the worst aftertaste.

Yeah yeah, save it, I do not want to hear you whine. I baked you a cake because I know you'll be missin' mine.