1) What Do Ghosts Think?

What do ghosts think?

After a rough day, they can't have a drink;

doomed to float perpetually celibate and sober.

Are they sad that their lives are over?

Do ghosts miss eating burgers and sweets,

or is there good ghost food to eat?

I look at myself in my mirror above the think

and can't help but wonder, "what do ghosts think?"

2) What Language Do Dogs Speak?

What language do dogs speak?

If you responded "dog language," that's really weak.

I don't think English is what they're speakin',

but maybe they know Pig Latin, or even Korean.

I'd like to talk to my dog, Wally,

to ask him why he once tried to kill me

a few months ago,

when he jumped up and turn on the gas on the stove.

He did it without a peep

and just before I went to sleep.

"WHY DID YOU DO IT?!" I once asked him, grabbing his cheeks,

but I couldn't understand him, because I don't know what language he speaks.

3) Why Does My Grandma Think I Should Be A Journalist?

Why does my grandma think I should be a journalist?

I've only written 3 newspaper articles ever, but I can't tell her this!

"Comedy as a career, are you sure?"

she asks me, as if newspapers are more secure.

I don't know why she thinks this way, but

I love her a lot, so I'll keep my mouth shut.

4) Why Doesn't My Mom Think I'm Funny?

Why doesn't my mom think I'm funny?

Why don't my jokes make her day sunny?

I crack myself up, that means something, right?

But I will keep trying with all of my might.

Why can my brother make her laugh so easily?

Could it just be that I lack hilarity?!

...Nah, that can't be true.

But I'll make her laugh one day, even if it's the last thing I do!

5) Why Doesn't My Little Brother Let Me Into His Room?

Why won't my little brother let me into his room?

I open his door, walk in, then boom.

He throws a shoe at my face

and says, "Get away, this is MY SPACE!"

He doesn't wanna hang with his cool big sister?

To him I say, "YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE, MISTER!"

I can be annoying, I do admit.

But I'm sure one day I'll grow out of it.

I mean, I'm only 19, so basically still a baby.

So in a few years, my brother will want to hang out with me, maybe!

6) Who Really Killed JonBenét Ramsey?

Who really killed JonBenét Ramsey?

The biggest question of the last fifth of a century.

I have an idea, and I'm 99% sure I'm right.

Without a doubt, the killer was Suge Knight!