The Academy Award nominations came out this week, with Birdman and The Grand Budapest Hotel ranking tops in the nominations, with nine each. While I enjoy movies, like everyone else, I could honestly care less about award shows, so I decided to put my own little twist on the nominations list. I will break down the plot lines of all eight films nominated for Best Picture, based solely on their titles. Be forewarned, I have not seen any of these movies, read a plot summary, or done any research about them.
Whiplash. Three words: Indiana Jones remake. What do you think of when you think of a whip? Indiana Jones should be your first thought. The sound of that whip cracking is synonymous with movie gold, and that series needs a revamp after the terrible, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
American Sniper. This one is pretty obvious; it’s about a sniper in the American military. Big guns, bigger personalities and long shots, a la Private Jackson in Saving Private Ryan.
Birdman. Two things come to mind when I see the movie title, Birdman. Either it’s a biography of Chris “The Birdman” Andersen, which would probably be the movie of the century, or it’s another second tier superhero movie on par with Daredevil, Green Lantern, and Spiderman 3.
The Grand Budapest Hotel. This movie is all about the daily ins and outs of running a five star hotel in Budapest, Hungary -- how to handle pretentious guests, the delicacy with which you treat a high-class call girl freaking out on a high profile guest when he wants to do the weird stuff, and things of that nature.
The Imitation Game. Mimes. This movie is about mimes. Throwing us back to the days before there was sound in movies, this one is completely silent.
Selma. As a proud son of the great state of Alabama, I love any movie based on events that took place in or around the Heart of Dixie. Selma was the center of the civil rights movement for a large portion of time, so this movie is obviously about those events. Either that, or it’s a biography of one of the most famous sons of Selma, Ralph “Shug” Jordan and his unstoppable 1957 Auburn team.
The Theory of Everything. This film is basically Cosmos on the big screen. Bill Nye the Science Guy, Stephen Hawking, and Neil deGrasse-Tyson argue their respective theories, and the world basks in the intelligence.
Boyhood. This film is all about the trials and tribulations that accompany the adolescent years of a young mans life: girls, physical changes, girls, emotional changes, girls, dealing with your parents, girls, and all the other things that you have to deal with growing up as a guy.
So, there you have it, the plot lines of all eight Best Picture nominations, based solely on their titles. These movies are all supposed to be fantastic, and a few of them are on my “must-see” list, topped by American Sniper.
War Eagle, y’all.
