Before you all attack me in regards to the title, I just want to point out that the only reason that I am writing this article is because I have found myself blaming hook up culture and cursing the college “talking” system for multiple heartbreaks throughout the years. After experiencing the disappointment that comes with hooking up with someone and feeling dissatisfied with the lack of any type of serious relationship, I can say that I’ve definitely learned a lot. As a disclaimer, let me just say that in no way am I condoning the types of situations that I know that we’ve all probably been in. This does not include those relationships that strictly revolve around 3:00 a.m. texts and no other type of interaction, even if you’ve made it clear that you want something more. These types of relationships are disrespectful and they just leave you feeling used, but they are not the situations that I am referencing. I once had a boy tell me that he made a point to never meet me while I was sober, so I feel your struggle with this one.
What I’m talking about is the gray area, one that I truthfully didn’t even know existed until coming to college. You’re friends, you talk, you hook up, you hang out, and maybe you’ll go to a date party or two with them. This is considered “talking,” a term that apparently describes that time between random strangers hooking up and becoming exclusive (which is another concept I’m fairly certain only exists at college). You’re getting to know a person without feeling the pressure of an immediate and serious relationship looming ahead. So what happens if it turns out that you still like hanging out, but you don’t have that much in common with them? What happens if you’re definitely not at a point in your life where you’re ready to commit to anything? What does it mean if you just honestly aren’t over someone else? You’re an awful human being, apparently. You have used the “hook up culture” to your advantage to get what you want and leave the person on the other side bitter for the rest of their lives and destined for a life of cursing your name and your horrible character.
I feel comfortable writing about this because I pretty much just wrote a description of my sophomore year self. My friends used to joke that the line: “So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames,” summed up my love life because every situation that I became involved with ended in some horrible drama and me hating the guy. After having gone through this on the other end, when someone wanted more from me and I just did not feel the same way, I’ve come to realize how unfair I’ve been. This hook up culture does not promise us anything. It does not state in writing, “If you sleep over there enough times, you’re definitely going to be that cute couple who has the funny story of how they ended up together.” In no way does the hook up culture secure these things for us.
To be completely honest, I’m not even sure what the definition of hook up culture is. What I do know, however, is that every time that I see an article online that complains about how we aren’t “courted” anymore it makes me roll my eyes pretty damn hard. I’ll be the first to say that in more instances than not, whenever a boy starts showing too much interest, the girl immediately does not. It's awful, I know, but it's just another reason why hook up culture is not to be blamed for someone’s shattered expectations. Again, I’m not saying that it’s okay for a guy to treat you as an object and feel like he can hook up with you whenever he wants and nothing more. It’s also not okay for someone to lead you on after you’ve told them how you feel about them. But it is important to realize how young we are, how unaware we are of all the people who we are going to meet and the things that we are going to do. We’re changing in every single day of our lives and with this comes the forming and breaking of ties with people. Maybe these are just the crazy ramblings of a college kid. I don't know. Whether or not it’s true that hook up culture ceases to exist the second that we throw our graduation caps in the air and walk into the real world, I think that, in the end, I’ll be able to look back and laugh at all the damage that I once thought that it had done. Let’s be honest, the real problem here is whenever Nicholas Sparks writes a book that takes place on a college campus. Blame him for all of your expectations.
