I used to have control issues. Well, I’ve gotten better with my control issues. I am aware that you can’t control everything in life but, I just have a hard time accepting it. I’m not in denial that I can’t control certain whatever is happening around me, it’s just there's something in my brain that won’t let it go. Something in the back of my mind tells me that I can, knowing very well that I can’t. Maybe my head is stuck in the clouds, or maybe I'm just stupid. There are a few things I know I can't change and am fine with, such as when the sun sets and rises, or the way the wind blows but, it's the major things in life I feel I need to control.

If you asked me, my senior year of high school, I had the greatest plan for the next four years of my life. I would go to school in the city as a criminal justice major and join the FBI. While I wasn’t studying I would be working at my part-time job at a coffee shop, with of course me sporting Rachel Green vibes. While working at this coffee shop I would meet the love of my life, (preferably a football player), we would date all throughout my four years of college and as soon as I graduated he would pop the question. All whilst doing these things I would manage to have an amazing social life as if I was in an episode of Kim and Kourtney Take New York. It sounded perfect and somewhat unrealistic but if anyone could do it I thought I would be me

My mother always likes to remind me that I can’t plan out my life. For a long time, that would go in one ear and right out the other. No matter how much she said it I just wouldn't listen. My mother practices realism more than anyone I know. I, her daydreamer daughter, like to try to make dreams a reality. I'm not saying that doing that is impossible but well, girl, let me tell you. It’s very hard to plan out your life. No matter how hard you try you can't account for every little thing that is going to happen. That upset me more than it should've, I'm talking total mental breakdowns. I would shut down for a week because in my head my whole world was ruined. I had to learn the hard way that life will throw a curve ball at you when you least expect it.

My freshman year was NOTHING like I had planned it out to be. I did not end up working at a coffee shop. I didn’t end up working anywhere because the only place that would hire me was WAG and although I do love dogs, I despise this never ending winter weather. I didn’t end up finding the love of my life and didn’t even end up dating for that matter. I am definitely over wanting to date a football player, I don’t even think I could find one. I am surrounded by dancers and theater majors, and I am definitely not their type, we both like the same taste in guys though. It also turns out that the FBI is not what I want to pursue. I’d much rather plan your wedding than watch you through your computer screen. As for my social life, it turns out my bed became my best friend. My depression was at an all-time high while everything else, including my grades, was at an all-time low.

I have now come to realize that you can't plan out every single detail of your life. I have also come to the conclusion that you can't get upset when life isn't in your favor. Your plan is going to change, so many times, and that's okay. The world isn't going to end just because your plan took a different path. A new plan can be needed and end up being much better than your original one.

Along the path of this new plan that was shoved into my life, I have learned that a love life shouldn't be my main focus. You can't just force people to like you, let alone just magically in love with you. Money management is definitely something I had to become cautious with. Spending over a hundred dollars on drinks is totally Kim K. Sometimes the plan you have for yourself, isn't the plan you need, and that's okay.