God is good. That seems controversial to the heading of this post, but He is. Having a pity party doesn't change the fact that He is the best Savior ever.
I've had many pity parties. Health issues have led me to spend countless hours in bed, crying, angry, sleepless, and irritable. I've counted the number of days, hours, minutes, and seconds since my health started to degrade. And let me tell you, they are big, big, big numbers. During one break down, I hadn't even gotten the chance to grab my laptop and mark down my pity party yet and boom! Woah. Wow. Wowzah. God is good y'all! The song This is Amazing Grace by Phil Wickham popped into my head. Out of the blue. I was in the middle of a sentence, complaining to the One who saved my soul. First of all, do you see how easy it is to let sin grab a hold on you? Satan is evil, so it's a good thing he lost the war.
But yeah, I was about to lay into God when that song was purposefully placed into my mind. "This is amazing grace, This is unfailing love, That you would take my place, That you would bear my cross, You lay down your life, That I would be set free, Oh, Jesus, I sing for, All that you've done for me." My God is good. And then He took it further. Carry Me To the Cross by Kutless came to mind. "When the path is daunting, And every step exhausting, I'm not alone, I'm not alone, no, no, I feel you draw me closer, All these burdens on my shoulder, I'm not alone, I'm not alone, You pull me from this place, Hallelujah, You carry me every day, You carry me all the way, Hallelujah, You carry me to the, You carry me to the cross, How your love has moved me, yeah, To the foot of all your glory, I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I'm not alone." I am not alone. I am not alone. I am not alone.
Migraines were definitely created by the devil. My current life situation is absolutely the opposite of what I expected. But I am not alone. God reminded me of that. God took my place, died for me, gave me life, gives me breath, sets me free, draws me close, takes my burdens, and carries me to Himself. Oh, my stars. How did we get so blessed to have such a Father? Wow, wow, wow. I'm constantly amazed by His unfailing goodness and impeccable timing for everything. God's grace is beautiful. To live is Christ and die to myself. I may deal with chronic migraine. I may wake up like this every day for the rest of my life. But that's OK. Because it's my story. God is writing his story on my heart. This gets me so excited y'all!
When I was first having my moment of pity, I texted my best friend. She was busy then, so she called me about ten minutes later. Within that time, God completely changed my outlook. My friend said, "You're so right. God is good. We're constantly questioning Him. You're not healed, why, why, why? But He is good. And everything is done for a reason. You just totally had a resurrecting moment. I'm so proud." Wow, I love my best friend, she's so cool. I'm so thankful God gave me a friend like her. She's my girly pop. And then, she sent me another song. The past three years would have been totally and completely different if she didn't have my back, supporting, and encouraging me this far. I love her. I love my God. I love life. Life is beautiful. Share the love people!