Meg Stark is the cat's pajamas. She's funny, a blast to be around and has a great smile. I'd even go as far as to say that I like her. But when it comes to foods, she doesn't like a whole lot. The following is an acrostic poem dedicated to her and the things she refuses to push down her gullet.
Mahi-mahi. Two mahis is a little excessive. One would suffice. But in all honesty, this is to be avoided altogether, along with anything else that comes from the sea. Fish are friends. Not food.
Eggs. There's only one way Meg Stark eats her eggs: scrambled, with cheese, made by her father. Sorry, but any other way is an absolute no-go. Want a sunny day with Meg? Stay away from sunny side up. That's all there is to it.
G is for grapes. Grapes are alright. Unless they're green. Green grapes suck.
Hates cream cheese. The self-proclaimed bagel queen of New Jersey can't stand the stuff because it's "too sour." Grapefruit is sour. Lemons are sour. And clearly so is cream cheese. Folks, you heard it here first.
Avocados. It's a texture thing. And it looks like fresh diaper filling. More like "avaca-don't."
No condiments allowed. A squirt of ketchup? Gross. Splash of mustard? Disgusting. A dollop of mayo? Are you trying to make her throw up?
Really take in the way the condiments mix together as they slide down this man's cheek. Feel the cold, sticky semi-liquid splattering against your own face. Or look down to the bottom right corner, as the mustard clumps together in gobs. Feel the chunks as you squish them between your fingers.
Jelly has no place on God's green Earth. Have you been brainwashed into thinking a sandwich spread thick with a dry desert of peanut butter requires an oasis of jelly to be enjoyable? Think again, you mindless sheep. If for some insane reason you haven't already, then go choke down a hearty PB&PB. Yes, just the way Meg likes it.
Olives. I'll leave (olive, get it) 'em alone. The only thing olives are good for is sticking them on your finger tips and pretending you're a monster. Or, just pop a few in your mouth to prove to Meg that you indeed truly are one. Olives are repulsive.
Not a huge chip person. Sure, she'll have a few if they're around. Will she enjoy them? Probably not.
Eggplant and other fall vegetables just need to stop. There's a reason they only appear for a few months out of the year. The rest of the time we are blissfully free to not think about butternut squash, or zucchini, or sweet potatoes because they are all gross. Just plain gross.
Steak? No thanks. Red meat is for animals; savages. She'll stick to her chicken, thank you, like the rest of the civilized world.
This is a deliciously succulent red steak. Look at its fleshy overtones glisten as it oozes and sits in its own juices.
Sauce. Look, pasta's always a safe bet. But Meg doesn't need her noodles drowning in sauce. They should have enough for a light coating; a taste, if you will. But anything more is just too much. Mozzarella sticks, bread sticks, assorted dipping sticks? The sticks speak for themselves: No sauce necessary. And if there's white pizza available, could we get some of that for Meg please? If not that's OK, I guess she'll suffer through it. But seriously do they not have white?
Tea is actually Meg's favorite hot beverage! Or I should say, rather, her only favorite hot beverage. Don't let Meg's affinity for tea fool you into thinking she likes coffee as well. As much as she tries to convince herself and everyone else around her, coffee is just not going to happen. If you listen carefully after multiple scoops of sugar, more than half a cup of milk or creamer and a few sips, then you can almost always be guaranteed to hear Meg whisper discretely to the person nearest her, "Hey, do you want this?" before promptly tossing it into the nearest receptacle.
Artichokes. Anchovies. Asparagus. Apricots. Anything that starts with an A, you can just assume Meg won't be a fan. The opposite applies to music. Akon rejoice.
Ricotta. Also a texture thing. Who in the right mind would create or consume a wet, sloppy, chunky cheese? Not Meg Stark, that's for sure. Revolting.
Kidney beans and quite honestly, any other types of beans. There's no point to eating them unless you're a vegetarian, and since Meg keeps up with her proteins through chicken fingers and her dad's scrambled eggs, they have no necessary place in her diet. So why choke down some lackluster legumes when you don't have to?
This list is by no means comprehensive.
