Are you "Hot and Ready"? (@LittleCaesars), I'm about to serve up some delicious pickup lines. Hope you're hungry.
"Sometimes, you've gotta break the rules." – Burger King
If this were suggested by a bright-eyed Ben Affleck, most of us would throw caution to the wind and shimmy down the drain pipe. However, it's most likely coming from a guy you accidentally swiped right on Tinder who wants to meet up for "coffee." In that case, he will meet your cyber silence with more of BK's classic lines, perhaps a grotesque "It takes two hands to hold a Whopper," but the real gentleman will bow out with a bitter "Have it Your Way."
"We're Hot and on a Roll." – Zero's Subs
You'd probably hear this charming one liner during a subpar conversation with an over-served townie out at a dive bar. "We" are not anything, let alone "on a roll" during this God awful conversation that should have ended the instant I caught a glimpse of your puka shell, shark tooth necklace.
"Go Bold or Go Home." – Del Taco
This is delivered by one type of man—the inebriated, washed-up frat star. The dude who tells you to "do less" all night until you finally acknowledge his existence and he asks to "do more." No thanks, buddy. You can be bold from kickin' back those summer shandies; I'm running my keister home.
"Come hungry. Leave happy." – IHOP
Sounds like a plan, you'd think. Think again. This is where you heed the words that "there is no truth in advertising." Just like a stack of buttermilk pancakes topped with ice cream sounds good at the time, it will you leave writhing in regret and self-loathing each and every time.
IN CONTRAST
"We Come Fast, No Apologies." – Toppers Pizza
What a delightful promise from a pizza delivery joint. However, this wouldn't really entice, in fact, it would likely deter most potential romantic interests. But the straight forward, no BS has a sort of intriguing charm. Sort of...
"You Take it Home." – Church's Chicken
What refreshing simplicity. For those so used to rejection that they decide to cut the crap and say, "You're taking me home," and you begrudgingly comply. Acknowledging that it may not have been your first choice and you might not be thinking "I'm Lovin' It" (@McDonald's), when push comes to shove, there's a short line to put in that order so it's the one you bring home. You're finally satiated, at least for now.
Safe to say, this is how many fellas cook up their ideas. Proving the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. If you don't want your customer losing their appetite, keep the cat calls and pickup lines at a minimum and separate your culinary wisdom from the dating game.
