The following is a list of pickup lines or first messages I have personally received from men, most of them based on my body. I am a plus sized woman, but that doesn't mean I am another species. I'm not so desperate for a man that you should treat me (or any other plus sized woman) any differently than you would a skinny girl. I hope you will read these messages and use them to understand the problems in the way that our society tells us men should treat women who are not conventionally beautiful.


"You're so THICC."

I get this one almost every time I talk to any guy from my small hometown in New York, so this might have to do with this region and their views on women's bodies. Either way, "thicc" is not a real word. "Thicc" is a word you call an attractive plus sized woman, and if you are a plus sized woman not being sexualized of fetishized for your size, you are just considered "fat".

So yeah, I'm a plus sized woman. So what? I'm going to assume that this means you find big women attractive (or maybe you're just telling me I'm big which is an entirely different fight because, I own a mirror, I know), and I'm glad you like my body because I do too. If the best line you have is "you're so thicc," you don't deserve my time and you are focusing on the wrong thing.

"Thick thighs save lives."

Are you attracted to my thighs? Are you saying that you think my thighs will save your life in some way? Are you simply stating a fact about chicken thighs and their nutritional value? The world may never know. Men message me about photos I post in shorts, and I'd like you to know that I took that photo and posted it without ever once considering your opinion on my fat thighs. If I want you to tell me that you think my legs look good, I will let you know. I'm an empowered feminist like that.

"I've always been attracted to 'Big Girls'."

I'm glad to hear that I'm your type, but maybe you shouldn't start out by telling me that the only reason you're attracted to me is because I'm fat. Actually, not maybe, you definitely should not start out by telling someone the only reason you're attracted to them is because you have some weird fetish about plus sized women and that you only care about their body.

"Mama thick AF."

I've never met your mother but I don't think she would appreciate you calling her thick. Congrats on actually using a real word this time, but again, it's unclear what you expect to get out of this interaction. If you're looking for me to be your new mother, you're not off to the best start (you've already started swearing at me!) and I'm not looking to raise a grown man who doesn't know how to treat women.

"What size bra do you wear? They are so big."

Um... does your mom know you talk to women like this? You can obviously see I have big breasts but why do you think it is appropriate to ask me about them? Are you going to buy me a bra? Gifts are a good way to get a girl to like you, but maybe you should start with something a little less intimate.


All-in-all we have a problem of men telling us that we are only attractive because we are "fat", not because we are beautiful, have amazing personalities, or any of the things you would look for in any other woman. Then men use my weight to demean me after I have turned them down. If you are at all overweight you know how it feels to tell someone you aren't attracted to them and then they say...

"Whatever, you're fat anyway."

This honestly doesn't even make sense. You were the one hitting on me, and you most likely used one of the lines from above to tell me how much you want to sleep with me. You are just trying to make me feel the same rejection and pain that you are feeling, but here is a break through for you: fat does not mean ugly. It means I have fat on my body, and guess what I am fat - I didn't need you to tell me that. Fat and beautiful are not mutually exclusive.


So at the end of the day there are only a few things you need to remember when dealing with a plus sized woman you find attractive:

1. Don't tell her she is only attractive because she is fat.

2. Fat and beautiful are not mutually exclusive.

Don't treat her with any less respect than you would any other woman you find attractive. Fat does not mean desperate.