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Politics and Activism

Phone Etiquette With Penelope Garcia

"Your friendly neighborhood Oracle of all things knowable and unknowable at your service."

Jessica Schmidt
Dec 05, 2016
University of Southern Mississippi
1825
Phone Etiquette With Penelope Garcia
Pinterest

Whenever I watch "Criminal Minds," I spend the entire episode wishing I was Penelope Garcia for three reasons:

1. She was recruited to the FBI for hacking them. They had their eye on her in case she ever became a problem. So they hired her as their technical analyst instead. #score

2. So I could have the sass and courage to come up with witty comebacks and actually say them.

3. So Derek Morgan could say all those things that he says to her that makes everyone swoon to me instead.

Just me? Okay.


Anyway, Penelope is super individualistic and unique. Her style is colorful and screams rainbows and sunshine. (I also envy how she can pull off literally any hair color. But that's beside the point.) She's smart and funny and really just wants everyone to be happy. She sits in her little office surrounded by her screens and somehow managed to retain enough of her innocence that she can still be horrified by some of the cases her team gets called about. She sees the good and beauty in everything and everyone. She's got a sharp tongue and a sharper wit, and always has a smarta** comment for her coworkers, especially when answering the phone when they call her for help. Here a few of my personal favorites of Penelope Garcia's many phone greetings.

Morgan: Hey girl, you're on speaker. Behave.

Garcia: Or what, you'll spank me?

S3, E4: Children of the Dark

Reid: Garcia, we're sending you some cigarettes.

Garcia: Why not a flesh-eating virus? It'll be faster and far less painful.

S2, E7: North Mammon

Garcia: Office of Unfettered Omniscience. Penelope Garcia is in. Speak, oh fortunate one.

S1, E4: Plain Sight

Morgan: Garcia, baby girl, please tell me something I want to hear.

Garcia: You are a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder?

Morgan: How about something I don’t already know?

Garcia: I have a sweet tooth?

S3, E2: In Name and Blood

Garcia: Derek Morgan, this is the 67th message that I have left you, and if you do not call me back, I will have no choice but to show everyone that nude photo of you from art class, and not the good one, either. I'm being serious. What were you and Kevin talking about yesterday? I'm freaking out here. Please, call me back. Bye.

S7, E17: I Love You, Tommy Brown

Garcia: Penelope Garcia's house of "How May I Save Your A** Today?"

S1, E12: What Fresh Hell?

Garcia: Do you know how many Ashleys are in downtown Boston? Too many Ashleys! That many Ashleys. And the only thing to track her down is that she has fancies for bunnies. So I am pulling the receipts from local pet shop, nothing crosses. And anyway, even if she likes bunnies, it doesn't mean that she owns bunnies. I like unicorns, I don't have unicorns. I am looking for a trail of wild geese and bunnies.

S9, E7: Gatekeeper

Garcia: Talk dirty to me.

Strauss: This is Section Chief Erin Strauss.

Garcia: Ma'am, I think it goes without saying that I was expecting it to be someone else. FBI Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia speaking.

S3, E2: In Name and Blood

Garcia: He who seeks the Queen of All Knowledge, speak and be recognized.

S2, E7: North Mammon

Garcia: Hiya, baby.

Morgan: Hey, baby girl. We need to talk.

Garcia: PG or NC17?

Morgan: You're on speakerphone.

Garcia: I charge extra for groups.

S4, E13: Bloodline


What did we do to deserve this woman?



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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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