25 Petty Clapbacks To Win Your Next Argument
Start writing a post
Humor

25 Satisfyingly Petty Clapbacks When Someone Is Testing Your Patience

Are you a math test? Because we're not adding up together, and it's testing my patience.

2766
25 Satisfyingly Petty Clapbacks When Someone Is Testing Your Patience

We all have that one person who tests our patience to the point that we can't help but be childish and petty — the person who never chews with their mouth shut and can be heard eating across the room, the person who couldn't say the word "intelligent" — let alone be intelligent — and the person who is just plain annoying.

Here are the 25 pettiest things to say when that person is testing your patience.

"Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither."

Some say that opinions are like farts. Just because you have one, that doesn't mean you need to let it out!

"Someday you’ll go far... and I really hope you stay there."

It sounds encouraging at first anyway.

"Sometimes, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt."

In this case, the person will probably be too stupid to understand what you've just said.

"You only annoy me when you’re breathing."

... which is all the time.

"Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself."

It's a bad idea in your case.

"Please, save your breath. I don’t know whether to give you a mint or some toilet paper."

Perfect for the person with a potty mouth.

"Good story, but in what chapter does your character stop talking?"

Can we please just skip to that chapter?

"Sorry, I didn’t get that. I don’t speak stupid fluently."

If stupid isn't a language, you've turned it into one.

"If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet."

Probably happy enough to not be insulted by that statement.

"Are you always such an idiot, or do you only show off when I’m around?"

I'd love to believe that I'm that special, but I doubt it.

"There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that."

At least you're thanking them for something.

"I was hoping for a battle of wits, but it would be wrong to attack someone who’s completely unarmed."

Oops, I guess I already started attacking.

"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."

...far, far away from me!

"Everyone’s entitled to act stupid occasionally, but you abuse the privilege."

Don't try to abuse the privilege and act like you can't comprehend what I just said.

"The village called. They want their idiot back, so you'd better get going."

At least you're needed somewhere!

"Do everyone a favor and exercise your right to remain silent. Whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."

No, you don't exercise it on a treadmill.

"I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see that you’ve already got one."

Are you really that ugly, or does your personality show through that much?

"You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle."

Go ahead. I'll give you time to think about that one.

"It’s amusing to watch you try to put your entire vocabulary into one sentence."

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and spit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.

"Are you a math test? Because we’re not adding up together, and it’s testing my patience."

Maybe if you subtract yourself from the equation, I could figure things out.

"You always bring me so much joy... as soon as you leave the room."

It's a good thing to spread happiness and joy — hint, hint.

"Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they’re nothing."

Hopefully, you can remember that.

"The reason you’re lost in thought is that it's unfamiliar territory."

I'd be lost too if I had your brain.

"At least your ego is higher than your IQ."

If you really spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.

"Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people."

Don't like my sarcasm? I don't like your stupidity.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Optimism Is Prime

Always remember to look at life through your optimistic lens.

330
Optimism Is Prime
Bec Crew

Recently I have done a lot of reflecting on my life and the things that I have happened. Some of them very good, some alright, and others not so good. I have found that in life it can be very hard to deal with the not so good things that have happened. You can tend to feel defeated and discouraged. At the beginning of the school year I was struggling a lot because a lot of changes had happened, some of them good and others challenging. The biggest challenge I had was not working due to an injury that I had that kept me from doing my job. I was also trying to adapt to a new school, sorority life, and rugby. I ended up not doing as well as I could have academically. All these events made it hard for me to see that things will be just okay. So when the second semester came around I had to fight my way to better my outcomes and to basically get right back up on the horse. This didn’t come so easily.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

'The Last of Us'

A zombie game with many surprises.

1579
'The Last of Us'
Kotaku

"The Last of Us" is a video game that is made by Naughty Dogs. Now Naughty Dogs is a game developer that I am familiar with because of the "Jack and Daxter" series of games. So I have played some of their games, not many, but some. In this game there is a lot of detail, which makes it quite fun. Now like with any review, it will have some spoilers.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

7 Things that Make Germaphobics Cringe

Admit it, these gross you out too.

2411
woman holding cleanning products anxiously.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I'll admit it. I'm a germaphobe.

Keep Reading...Show less
80 year old man giving life advice

"Never regret a day of your life: The good days give you happiness, the bad days give you experience, the worst days give you lessons, and the best days give you memories."

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

From 3 To 89, Ages Referenced In Taylor Swift Songs

Are you at one of the ages mentioned in Taylor Swift's songs?

206693
Taylor Swift performs at a concert
Callie Spencer

Before Taylor Swift's transition from a country/pop sweetheart to a crazed vengeful victim, I was a huge fan of hers. I've been listening to her music for as long as I can remember.

Over the years, as an observant T Swift fan, I've noticed her penchant for mentioning ages in her songs. Maybe she does this so she can look back on these songs and remember how old she was when she had these experiences. Or maybe she does it so her fans have another level to relate to her on. For at least my past seven birthdays, I've checked to see if Taylor Swift mentioned my new age in one of her songs.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments