When we were growing up, "Peter Pan" was a beloved story. We all dreamed of being kids and having fun forever, so the plot pulled us in before we even understood what growing up really meant. But at the end of the story, we realize that staying young forever isn’t what we’re supposed to do. We have to grow up eventually or we’ll miss out on some pretty amazing life experiences.
Some boys seemed to have missed the ending. These boys are affectionately diagnosed with Peter Pan Syndrome.
Peter Pan Syndrome can affect either gender, but I’d like to focus more on the male cases today.
Unfortunately, the syndrome seems like it’s spreading faster than ever.
How many boys do we interact with that seem like their only interests are sports, drinking and “having a good time," whatever that may mean to them? How many boys do we know are great at flirting but shy away from the mere thought of a relationship? How many boys do we know that end great relationships because they’re “scared” or all of a sudden “unsure"?
Too many. Too many cases of Peter Pan Syndrome to count.
It seems to me that the trouble today is that we women have our lives together, have an idea of what we’d like to do in the future and are ready to start making plans, but these boys suffering from this syndrome are afraid of any sort of commitment, so they rely on acting young, crazy, careless and/or afraid for as long as they possibly can.
There’s nothing wrong with being scared of the future. But there is something concerning about the number of boys who tend to use this fear as an excuse to not do anything.
For some reason, the boys who are affected by Peter Pan Syndrome tend to be afraid of committing to a relationship, taking that relationship seriously, getting engaged, chasing after a career, leaving their comfort zone, or taking on any real responsibility.
I’ve met a few boys suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome. I’ve even dated a few of them (before knowing they had this condition). I’ve known so many girls who have also suffered due to finding out a potential love interest has this condition. Relationships with an average (amazing) woman and one of these Peter Pan boys never work out. Every time, it leaves the girl feeling broken for a bit, but, in the end, stronger and more alive than ever. On the other hand, it always leaves the boy feeling okay at first, but eventually he figures out that the fun and carefree lifestyle he chased after will never fulfill him.
Peter Pan boys always leave situations before they get too serious or committed. They never want to grow up or take care of things for themselves, so they abandon relationships, jobs and other responsibilities. They think women are “holding them back” and that they can have whatever they want, whenever they want, without having to work for anything.
But 20 years from now, are they going to be happy that they left behind a girl who they loved so they could play more video games? Are they going to cite their college sports career as the most fulfilling thing they ever could have had? Are they going to be glad they slacked in their schoolwork because they just weren’t sure what they wanted to do?
Kelsea Ballerini’s song “Peter Pan” describes the syndrome perfectly:
You're always gonna fly away, just because you know you can
You're never gonna learn there's no such place as Neverland
You don't understand
You'll never grow up
You're never gonna be a man,
Peter Pan
One day, the Peter Pan Syndrome boys will find a cure. They’ll learn that the way to a fulfilled life is paved with people, commitments, relationships, faith and hard work. Meanwhile, we’ll continue to be the Wendys, moving on with our lives and developing our true selves.
