Plants are the best. This isn’t just my opinion, but an objective fact that I am sure is stated many times inside all those pages of biology and botany books, which I would cite if I had ever opened one of them. I know I can breathe easier around plants, because they take in the carbon dioxide and leave the oxygen for me. These great companions are the perfect counterbalance to any human.
Plants are also not gross. You may think this need not be mentioned, but behind every happy little puppy is some sad soul protecting one hand with a plastic bag and holding a leash with the other, supposedly to keep their canine lord in check. The success of the humbling leash seems dubious, as I see the owners bend down in the grass to pick up their dog’s refuse. I have never met a tree that produced waste. Indeed, what have plants produced? Wood: from which came the wheel, one of man’s greatest inventions, thrones, bookshelves, and endless other things. Whoever said dogs are man’s best friend clearly forgot about plants.
Plants have great personality. I appreciate nothing more than a tall, stately tree, peacefully swaying in the evening breeze. I am equally enthralled by a wild, ferocious tree in a dark night’s thunderstorm. The movements of trees’ branches are so much more interesting than the wagging of tail or the batting of paws. Trees are wonderful to behold, and best of all, do not squawk or bark or squeal at you; gracefully they hold their quiet power. The Kingdom of Plantae, as I hear those scientific people say, is full of peaceful and quiet potential pets.
Flowers, succulents, and other little shrubs and blossoms can be kept inside. With so many varieties, there is truly a plant for everyone. And unlike other pets, plants will not bother your neighbors or scratch at your door and chew on your belongings. You never even have to take them to the vet. Plants will just lie back soaking up the sunshine, just as, with hope, I will be doing one day on a beach in Tahiti. Even the Venus Flytrap, one of the more antagonistic multicellular eukaryotes, will not chase after the fly, but wait for the fly to come to it; there is a valuable lesson in this, I am sure.
What do plants ask of you? Water, because they are low maintenance creatures. And if you buy a desert-dwelling plant, that's only a once or twice a month ordeal. Some say you should talk to your plants, but I think a brisk nod and a firm shaking of the palm will do just fine.
Plants are a cost-effective and exciting alternative to other pets. Succulents are the new cat. The time has come to embrace the plant as the only pet worth having.
