I’m sitting in a dark room. The musky bitter smell of lucky strikes overwhelm my senses and create a heavy lingering haze. The whining sound of guitar riffs and a thick drum beat set the lonesome scenario. I’m alone yet surrounded by the hustle of people around me: conversing, gossiping and mingling. I’ve never been the type of individual to draw attention towards myself, in fact I am sort of a lone wolf. I believe there isn’t a definitive description of character and if there was, I would label myself as a walking juxtaposition. I reckon I am the result of contrasting influences which mold my muddled yet composed demeanor.
I like to invent roles for the individuals who surround me, some may call it “people watching", however, I consider it an art form to cleverly label individuals by initial perspective.
The blonde bombshell in the center of the bar attracting attention like a 6-point elk to a huntsman, probably lived an affluent life as a child and unpleasantly realized in college she did not hold entitlement to her parents wealth. She now looks for a suitor to satisfy her needs.
The man wearing the baseball cap with his head down and thumb twiddling, is looking for a plan of attack to tell his wife he has just lost his job. Perhaps, if he slugs a few more shots of bourbon, he will possess the courage to humble himself to his spouse.
Sometimes, I may be unrealistically cryptic in my day dreams, however, what’s the purpose of growth if everything comes naturally. True character is evolved in times of desperation and tribulation. I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist. I expose the inconveniences and grime of life which people prefer to ignore. Some find relevancy in superficial happenings- hence the bothersome task of small talk. As far as I’m concerned, this is a mediocre attempt to find a common interest, and individuals are no less entitled to a label of strangers than acquaintances. Why speak at all if there is nothing to be said?
You can never truly come to know everything about someone. One may only experience a screened persona of an individual, rather what is chosen to be told or shown. You’re unable to understand the deepest thoughts of another human being by way of their emotions. It’s unsettling isn’t it? The concept of friendship is so incredibly odd. One invests time and shares parts of their life with another, yet withholds other aspects for what, common courtesy?
Friendship is a mutual agreement of trust between people to share life in a less private manner as human nature bounds us to.
People watching undeniable allows one the opportunity to observe, articulate and define an individual without relational ties. It is an act of judgment justified by perspective and guarded by individuality. Nor positive or negative, my disposition is unknown to the target. I alone am my own audience.
As I’m collecting thoughts on my current environment, I learn more about myself. I’m a lone wolf, always have been and always will be.
