How does one address the role of faith in their life? To what extent is their higher power calling them to spread “the word?” Now I was born and raised Lutheran, thus I will be approaching these questions from a Christian stand point, but my hope is that folks from any faith can learn from these questions.

Up until very recently and perhaps even now I have been afraid to show my faith too much. I was/am afraid of being labeled a “religious freak.” I am sure my dear reader is aware of the stereotype: super religious, very evangelical, knows the Bible like the back of their hand, pious to the point of absurdity. But going to a very religious college, I began to wonder if this is in fact how God is calling us to live? But regardless of how one ought to live, and what might be over the top, if anything truly can be, I was still afraid of receiving such a label. And, as I progressed along my first semester, I saw the faith of others in the community, and I saw the personal relationship they had with God, and I saw their conviction that God worked in their lives every day. This led me to start thinking about my own faith life.

Now I do not believe I have ever doubted the existence of God. For me, it was just always a given, God existed. But to what extent S/he played a role in my life was always a struggle for me. For a long time I believed that all one needed to do to please God was to be a good person: moral, kind friendly, helpful, etc.. I struggled with how much more of a role then just that God ought to play in one's life. How does one discern the right thing to do in a situation where there is no clear right or wrong solution, or even harder in a situation where there seems to be no right answer at all? Where does God play into these decisions? How does prayer work to help one through such times?

It is with these questions in my heart that I had my first experience (or at least the first one I recognized) of God. I was life guarding early in the morning, the only guard on duty, and I had been thinking about such questions and about the future, and suddenly I felt God. I do not know what brought it on but it was just this amazing feeling, and I simply knew that it was God. I recorded what I was feeling at the time, this is what I wrote (intermittently, as I was watching the pool the whole time):

• “I'm excited, I'm afraid, I want to cry, I need to work”
• “I want to record so I don't forget”
• “Excited → Nervous → Trembling → Want to move fast → Want to tell someone before it goes away!”
• “Afraid to pray → to worship → to give thanks, afraid to let others see” (It must be noted that I grew up in a traditional, highly liturgical church, so I am still new/hesitant toward public displays of faith)
• “I feel like I need to worship, I feel like I need to give thanks, I feel like I need to fall to my knees, But people would think I am strange”
• “Lord teach me how to worship / Teach me how to give thanks / Teach me how to praise you / Help me not forget this / Never let this feeling end, / How do I praise you? / How do I keep this? / Why do I feel like weeping with joy? / Help me remember this / Don't let me forget”
• Trembling →Freeness on my back → An openness → Tears are welling up → Afraid → So happy!

Then the feeling ended. It was almost a relief, it felt so good … so much if that makes sense. But the openness I felt lingered, I no longer felt as closed off to God.

This was my experience. Do I still have much work in my relationship with God? Yes. But it is an important development. My hope is that this will help others in their faith journey. Before I felt God I always wondered, what does s/he feel like? How do I know? So hopefully this helps, or at least gives one persons insight, to those asking the same questions. And in answer to how will I know? I tell my dear reader now, You will know. Best of luck to all in this journey, and God bless.