There is an interesting dynamic that comes with living in a dormitory, which is that you have a social circle almost by default. If not because you are actively seeking out a group of people to hang out with, then simply by having the same common areas to hang out in. Another dynamic, which comes as a side-product of having these common areas and social circles is that you start to hear a lot of stories. If there’s one thing that most people love to do more than anything is talk about themselves, and often the best stories are the ones that have some drama in them.
An advantage of being away from home is that often you will be surrounded by new people who you don’t know, people who have a very small chance of ever interacting with the people who you used to know, and as such it makes it easier to be open and talk about “that one guy I hated” or exes, for example. Whenever I sense the conversation taking a shift in that direction, I am always reminded of the fact that I can never contribute them. I was rather inactive in high school when it came to relations with other people, primarily from lack of opportunity but also from lack of interest in having anything other than a few close friends, and that now means I have a shortage of stories to tell, which is both a good and bad thing.
Let’s start with the bad part, which is the more obvious one: you can’t relate. The best part of a group is that there is a high chance that you have shared experiences with at least one person, but when the topic is something which you have next to no relevant experience with, that becomes a lot harder. Especially when it comes to relationships, those conversations can go on for quite a while, and it’s hard to try and change the topic to something else because there is a level of intrigue in where the stories are going and what the experiences of different individuals are. The other bad part, which goes hand in hand with the first one, is that you feel left out, almost to the extent of being ignored.
That’s not to say that it happens intentionally, but people “forgetting” you are present is simply a bi-product of you being quiet for an extended time. Occasionally during some things like that I will leave the room to get a drink or go to the bathroom and when I come back someone will say something along the lines of, “oh, I didn’t even notice you leave.” These two sometimes combine into a feeling in your gut that can best be described as “no-one cares about me or what I have to say,” which is entirely inaccurate, but the mind plays tricks on us all the time.
While the bad sides can be detrimental to physical and mental health at times, it all matters on your state of mind, which is where the advantageous sides come into play. The mind, like any other muscle, requires constant use to maintain in good shape, and exertion of you wish to improve its strength. Putting yourself in situations such as those mentioned above where your mind can start tricking you into believing nonsense allows you to become able to recognize what you can do to strengthen yourself and stop those bad thoughts from changing the way you interact with people and, more importantly, how you can keep them from hurting you in any way. Aside from that, the other advantage of having nothing to share is that you can spend the whole time learning about the people you are living with and get a gauge of what kind of person they were back home.
College may be an opportunity to start fresh with new people and try to be more of the person you wished you were, but you are still shaped by your experiences and who you used to be, and being able to glimpse even a little bit of who they used to be is invaluable.
Of course, there is the part of this that is neither good nor bad but simply awkward, which is that it comes as a reminder of the regrets that you faced during the summer of wishing you’d put yourself out there, and the fear of unwanted pity from those who know what you’re missing out on. Overall, it’s a situation that you should never be ashamed to be in because it’s perfectly natural for people to not have those experiences, but one that you should make sure you don’t let get you down in the future.
