People always say that college changes you. They say that you discover certain things about yourself that you never knew before. You not only discover which career path you want to take, but you also become aware of what your true values are.
Coming into college I always thought that my beliefs were embedded in my brain with black and white ink. I thought I had a “clear-cut” understanding of what my thoughts are concerning different personal issues. Since I thought I had myself figured out, I assumed that making decisions in college would be easy.
It’s not.
College is another universe. It’s a mass compilation of diverse people with diverse faces, backgrounds, and personalities. It’s a crowd of people trying to “find themselves.” And I’m one of them.
Finding yourself is not an easy process. It requires experiencing a type of struggle that was previously foreign to me. It requires a struggle making decisions you never thought you’d have to make. Your struggle not only stems from the fear of making the wrong choice but also the unexpected fact that your outlooks on certain aspects of your life have changed.
After spending wild weekends with my clan of loved ones, I’m always left with mixed feelings about the time I spent. My feelings consist of a mix between the harsh sting of the decisions I made the night before and the satisfaction of discovering a little more about myself.
I spend nights lying on the floor of my friend’s dorm room laughing about the plethora of mistakes we’ve collectively made. Then we’ll stay up even later discussing whether or not those actions should actually be considered “mistakes” or if they were products of the new identity we’ve constructed for ourselves.
By meeting new people, experiencing new ventures, and eluding my new sense of independence; I’ve shaped parts of my character I didn’t know needed shaping. I used to think that my parents’ morals and ways of thinking were my own. That clearly was not the case.
As I live my college days continuously making attempts at "finding myself," I understand that mistakes cause you to learn more about yourself. The “wrong” choices you make aren’t necessarily “wrong.” They serve as the deciding factors that influence your set of morals.
Although sometimes my mountain of insecurities, indecisiveness, and lack of confidence cause me to “lose my way,” I know that with each day that goes by I am learning more about myself. With each ounce of post-weekend guilt, I am becoming more sure of who I am and what I think is right.
So even though I can’t even make a choice between whether or not I should snag an egg and cheese from the dining hall or take a nap, I know that my collegiate decisions are going to get easier. Then, in a few years, I’ll think back to my college years and appreciate all of the “struggles” I faced.
I’ll finally understand that I’m not lost, I’m just finding my way.
