I really shouldn't complain. I'm going to college, and really it is cheaper. Community college is cheaper, and I am so proud and thrilled to be able to go to classes, but I will be the first to admit that it sucks. It totally, completely sucks. I would love to live in a dorm and be surrounded by people, be surrounded by a social life. And I will come close to feeling good about the whole ordeal and then I see the posts. My friends, acquaintances, and facebook friends...Many of them are posting happy pictures of themselves in their sororities or with friends. For those of you that do not know, I went to the University of Illinois. When you're a freshman you all take a picture in the shape of an "I" formed by the marching band. It's a happy time, and it is most definitely a very exciting time. On Facebook, I have already seen a few pictures of those new "I's". The new freshman class is there, but it feels like just yesterday when I was there and was excited. I was more than excited, I was ecstatic. I loved college, and would still be there if it weren't for the little blip. So now I'm in school, barely taking the part-time load (also known as two classes), and I'm sad. I'm allowed to be sad, and to everyone that knows me, I am ok. I am more than ok. But I can also be sad at the same time. The pressure I feel because of social media creates a platform for me to doubt myself. And I do doubt myself.

When I was little I wanted to go to Harvard. I even applied to Harvard my senior year (kind of as a joke, but partially for real). I got a formal rejection letter via email. That, that did not trip me up in the slightest. I did not want to go to Harvard, no offense to Harvard, but I liked other schools more. So I started to sift through those schools, and in the end, I chose the University of Illinois. And then I had to leave, and now I'm at a community college. A very good one. But even if I failed at telling the brief story it is apparent that college matters to me. So I will keep doing work, and moving forward to an exciting to place. However, I will continue to be sad. I have been dreaming about college since forever, and I will continue to dream about college, but I will wish I were my friends. I will, even if it sounds bad it's the truth.

So, it is rough being one of the friends that commutes, but that shouldn't inhibit me from pursuing my dreams...Even if I do not know what those dreams are in myself yet. So you ask, "what's it like not going to a four-year school", I say "I've got my parents to pay for food..." :)