I miss you every day, I’ve been able to cope much better with it now, but it still hurts your gone. Certain days will hit me, and I will just start balling and looking at old pictures of us together and I just think of what an amazing woman you were. Even though you didn’t get to see me graduate high school, win at my competition or start college here on earth with the rest of us I know you were watching from the sky and I could feel your presence; I do every day I know you are by my side and you haven’t left.

More and more every day I see how you shaped me into who I am a part of you is a part of me and I always tell people if I could be half the woman you were it would mean the world to me and now I see that God has allowed that to happen. He’s allowed you to shine through parts of who I am. I know you would are so proud of me and what I’m accomplishing, and I would do anything to hear you say that to me just once, just to hear you say it one time would mean everything to me.

I miss your laugh all those times when I would start talking random Spanish or with a fake lisp. You’d fall out of your chair almost laughing at me that warmed my heart to know I made you laugh especially when I knew you were hurting because you had those sores on your leg. I miss eating breakfast with you and dinging my head on that stupid cabinet door above your counter in the kitchen we had so many laughs over that.

I remember the time you had surgery and I come over and spent the night with you for several days and I cleaned your house for you. Coming to your house wasn’t all that hard all I had to do was walk across the yard and there I was at your house. I’d do anything to walk across that yard again... The time I killed my first deer I remember, Papa and I pulled into the driveway where we used to live before we moved, and you didn’t hear us, so I walked up to your door and just opened it. Because I knew it was never locked during the day; and there you were turned around looking out the window, so I snuck up behind you and scared you and you gave me the biggest hug little did I know it was the last hug id ever get from you.

The day mom told me you had gone to the hospital was the worst day of my life and I still regret to this day I went a week without talking to you because I was so focused on my semester test and a stupid essay about Hitler my English teacher assigned me. I recall the day I went to see you in the hospital it was dreary and once mom and I got there what I saw nothing could ever prepare me for... you were pretty much lifeless and on morphine, so you couldn’t feel the pain and seeing you in this state instantly made me start balling and I was so mad at God he was taking the one person I looked up to. But I remember putting my hand in yours and you were able to muster the words “I love you Charlee”.

In May it will be three years since you’ve left this world and not a day goes by I don’t think about you. I use your words of wisdom daily. When I was younger you probably thought I wasn’t listening to you or I wouldn’t remember but I did and I’m thankful for them. To this day I still haven’t deleted your phone number out of my phone I just can’t bring myself to do it. I know I haven’t been to your gravesite since you were buried but I’m trying to find the strength to go and talk to you, some days I think I can do this and others I think I can’t but one day I will and until then I’ll just talk to the sky. I love you, Nanny.