I’m bisexual. I’ve known I was bi for years, but I hardly told anyone about it, except my roommate and a couple close friends from home. While a few people knew, I wasn’t really out. I kept telling myself, “I’ll come out eventually, but now is not the time.” This year, I decided to take that risk and come out. I came out on October 11th, which is National Coming Out Day. The response so far has been overwhelmingly positive. I realize that coming out isn't for everybody. Sometimes it's unsafe or unrealistic to come out. But if you're able to come out, you should consider it. Here are some of the benefits I've noticed:
1. Everything feels the same
Well, maybe not everything. But really, your day-to day life doesn’t change much. You still part your hair the same way, you still shower at the same time, you still dress the same, and your daily commute is the same. Your new identity isn't immediately visible, so many people won't know, so they won't treat you differently. You'll go to school, go to work, and study as you normally would. Your routine doesn't change (so much for the "gay agenda"). No matter how scary, stressful, or exciting coming out was, the sun still rises the next day. The rest of the world goes on as usual. In fact, you might even be disappointed. Wasn't this supposed to be some life-changing revelation? Isn't this the next chapter of my life? While coming out will change the overall direction of your life, the everyday aspects won't really change.
2. You feel different
While your daily life may be the same, something feels so different. In fact, something feels wrong. You feel like you’re missing something. Did you forget your keys? Your wallet? Nope, the only thing you left behind is your insecurity. You came out of the closet and you checked your shame at the door. You feel the burden of shame lifted off your shoulders, but you also feel like something’s missing. Don’t worry-that phantom sensation will go away after a while.
3. You find out who your real friends are
Hopefully, you won’t lose a lot of friends. If someone leaves you after coming out, you’re better off without them. You’ll make some new friends. You’ll make friends you didn’t realize you had. People will come out of the woodwork offering their support. Sure, people who were already friends with you will acknowledge you. But sometimes, the people you least expected turn out to be the best allies.
4. You’re more honest with yourself
This part of coming out is really important. Being honest with yourself is what caused you to acknowledge your own sexuality. Now that you’re out to everyone, you can really be honest with yourself. You no longer block out those “intrusive” thoughts. Before you came out, if you thought about that cute girl from band, you cut your own thoughts off. You’d tell your mind to be quiet. Now, you let the thoughts come and go as they please. You allow yourself to be attracted to others, and you openly talk about your same-sex crushes with friends. When you’re honest with yourself, the attractions you have feel normal.
5. You feel freer
Remember that emptiness you felt earlier? It’s not necessarily gone-you just feel it in a different way. Instead of feeling empty, you feel light. There’s a spring in your step. You are no longer chained down by your embarrassment. Your identity used to tie you down but now it frees you. What used to feel sinful now feels sacred. It’s important to you. When you’re out of the closet, the shame no longer holds you back. You feel like you can do anything.
These are just some things that have happened since I came out. Many students at my college are socially liberal and LGBT-friendly, so haven’t encountered any huge obstacles. Don't get me wrong-it hasn't necessarily been easy. It was stressful at times. I was confused and upset at times. However, I didn't feel unsafe coming out at my school, which I know is an immense privilege. If you’re looking to come out, do so in a way that works for you. You could make a Facebook post, call your parents, write a letter, tell your friends one at a time-do whatever works for you. You could identify yourself using specific words or ditch labels altogether-the choice is up to you. What matters is that you understand yourself and that you find others who understand you.
You've got this!
