Perfectionist. It's a word I never thought I would use to describe myself. My organization skills are a mess, I don't pay attention to every little detail when I'm working on a project, and I'm typically a very go-with-the-flow kind of person in general. When I realized I was a perfectionist, it tilted my world upside down. You see, perfectionism manifests in different ways.

I avoid things I know I'm not good at. Math makes me want to dump myself into a pot full of boiling lava. In order to avoid feeling inadequate, I simply avoid math at all costs. I can't fail at something I don't even try doing, right? This is one of my faults and I'm realizing that it's okay to fail at things, just keep trying harder and eventually you'll accomplish it.

My perfectionism comes up in the things I like to believe I'm good at. When it comes to my English classes, if I get an 80% on an assignment, I will stress over why my grade wasn't an A. Or, at the very least, I'll think over and over again about how my teacher probably hates me and wants me to be average (at best) in their classes when really, I probably should have put more effort into my assignment.

When it comes to performing, my perfectionism is an absolute nuisance. When most people forget their words during a rehearsal, they pick themselves up and move on and try to do better, right? Not me.

When I forget my words during a rehearsal, I clam up and the little voice in my head says, "Why did they even cast you in this part? You should back out of the entire piece. You're obviously not good enough." While I know this is an unhealthy way to think, it's the only thing that runs through my mind every moment before I perform.

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to how I treat others. With my family, I try so hard to be the perfect daughter. I don't talk about things that are actually bothering me until it's too late. I try to keep everyone happy because I don't want my family to worry about me.

I avoid asking for help on things that I need help with because I want to seem like I have it all together. When it comes to my friends and my peers, I will go out of my way to help them because I know that I'm the person that they go to when they need help. I'm realizing that sometimes it's okay to say no to the people you care about and it's okay to be honest about how you're feeling.

My perfectionism is a blessing and a curse. Since I am a perfectionist, I try to do the very best that I can in everything that I do. I try to love the people around me in the way that I think they need to be loved and I have high expectations for myself and the people I surround myself with.

I'm learning to love this side of me even when it brings me a ton of anxiety and impatience with myself. If you have a perfectionist in your life, please just give them a hug and tell them, "You're doing great. You are enough," because they are probably busy beating themselves up about everything they think that they've failed at.