When I signed up for Panhellenic Recruitment, I had one house in mind. I had decided that if at any point that house dropped me, then I would drop from Rush, and participate in the NPHC recruitment (the historically black sororities). No, I didn't "choose the white sorority over the black sorority". I just did not strictly limit myself to organizations with members who looked like me. I had an interest in organizations from both, and because Panhellenic Recruitment took place before school even started and NPHC Recruitment took place later in the year, it was either now or never if I was really going to give it a try.

So three days before the deadline, I finally went out on a limb and registered for it. I didn't expect recruitment to go very well. I was a sophomore, my GPA wasn't the prettiest, and I had not a single recommendation letter - but the odds played out differently than I'd expected.

It's day 4.

Pref Day.

And not a single house has dropped me the entire week. (I know right, what are the odds?)

I'm standing in my Gamma Chi Group holding in my hand the ticket to my new home. All I have to do today is simply attend my parties and let it be known that THIS is where I want to be. I'm waiting on the go from my Gamma Chi to know when I can look at my schedule. I'm not worried about what's on it. I'm thinking about what time my parties start and rather or not I have time to run back home and make some breakfast. I'm crossing my fingers that I don't have the last party of the day because that line for selection gets LONG around that time. I'm wondering who I'll talk to in my top houses today because I'm just CERTAIN they're both on my schedule - without a doubt.

I'm calm, I'm happy, I'm thankful.

"Okay look at your schedules", my Gamma Chi says. I unfold my paper and glance down. Right off the bat, I notice not who invited me back, but who didn't.

I'm shocked. I'm confused. I'm ... still thankful?

Wait a minute... My top house DROPPED ME?!?!? My facial expression remains untroubled, but I can't deny the slouch in my shoulders and the drop of my heart.

Instantly, I heard all the hurtful words of my friends from home come back to me.

"Why would you want to join one of their sororities anyway?"

"It's not going to help you. They don't even do anything."

"You're white." "Are you going to bring your white friends over here?"

And it went on, and on, and on, and on.

My Gamma Chi went around the circle, asking each girl for a word to describe how she felt. When she made it to me, all I could seem to mumble out was "I don't know...".

One girl was crying, another was mad, some were happy, and there I was - I don't know.

This meant I was dropping, right? That I was done?

My Gamma Chi came over to check on me. I explained to her my original plan - "this house or no house". She was understanding, but she pleaded that I at least attended my parties because "Pref could really change my mind."

I'm always up for positivity, so of course, I agreed with her and made my way to Sorority Row. All the while I was walking, I replayed my conversations I'd had in my top house yesterday over and over again in my head. Where had I gone wrong?

I made it to my first party, got in line, and waited to go inside. Standing in line, looking at the beautiful house in from of me, I realized how selfish I'd been. I'd been so caught up in the house that didn't want me, I had failed to appreciate the two that did. And that's when the tears came. I repeatedly whispered to myself, "You can't start crying Cynda. You're about to walk in."

I heard the words, "Start party" and I immediately blinked my tears back in and put a smile on my face. I walked in, was greeted by an old friend of mine and escorted to a seat where we could talk.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

Unfortunately, the tears answered before my words did. I explained to her my morning, my plan to drop, and now my confusion of rather or not to drop at all. Songs were sung, candles were lit, more tears were shed.

It was tough. And what was even tougher was the fact that I had to leave that house to go to another one. The one that had not been in my top 2, but had moved up since my top house had dropped me. For some reason, it wasn't as emotional as my first house that day had been. I didn't cry much at all. I felt welcome, but I didn't feel comfortable. After my second party, I called my Gamma Chi and told her about my day and how my parties had gone.

God really blessed me when he placed me in my Gamma Chi's group, because her words were the exact words I needed to not give up. She supported what I wanted to do and ensured me that no matter where I went, I would still end up where I was supposed to. She comforted me and calmed me and reminded me that I could at least give it a try. I could pref my houses, participate in Bid Day, hang in there a few weeks into the semester, and if I still didn't like it, I could drop then.

It wasn't until I talked to her that I realized that I had sat in the house that had been in my top 2 all week. I had sat in the house whose sisterhood I'd loved. The house whose physical appearance felt cozy. The house where I'd enjoyed every single conversation.

It wasn't until then that I realized that yes, I had been cut from my friend's house but only because they could see that my home was next door.

I didn't drop that day and that's all thanks to my Gamma Chi.

I went to Pref that night and that's all because of my Gamma Chi.

I found my true home and that's all because of my Gamma Chi.

I had the best Gamma Chi I could ever ask for, and that's all because of God.

Panhellenic Recruitment was something I knew nothing about going into it, but an experience I don't regret. I had the time of my life over the course of 5 days and I couldn't have done it on my own.

So thanks to my roommate for encouraging me to do what I wanted to do - you're the reason I rushed.

Thanks to my Gamma Chi for listening - you're the reason I found my true home.

Thanks to God for loving me - You are the reason I'm here.