Technically, I'm a 16th grader.

10 Things College Girls Who STILL Look 12 Hate Hearing

Technically, I'm a 16th grader.
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I'm not sure if I look young or if teenagers today look old, but people always mistake me for being 12.

I get awkward questions, rude remarks, and I'm sure my boyfriend gets dirty looks when he holds my hand in public. I mean, I do look half my age after all. And as great as ordering off the children's menu and getting the "under 12" price is, all your questions about how young I look gets really get old. What questions am I talking about?

Oh, I'll tell you.

1. "What grade are you in?"

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Technically, the 16th grade. I'm a fourth year in college.

2. "Oh wow, I thought you were in high school!"

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Yeah. I get that a lot. No, I go to a university.

3. "You don't understand. When you're my age, you'll get it."

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You're, what, two years older than me? Stop.

4. "What would you like to drink? We have Pepsi products, raspberry lemonade, tea..."

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Yeah, I'll have a black cherry moijto, thanks.

5. "Is this your real ID?"

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Yes. Don't you dare clip that. I'll show you pictures from my 21st birthday if I have to. Or call my mom so she can tell you I'm really 21.

6. "How's your freshman year?"

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Didn't we cover this? I'm not a freshman, in high school or college. I'm a fourth year. In college.

7. A person younger than me saying "I'm old."

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You're literally younger than me. Please save me the pity party.

8. "Is your mom here? I need to talk to an adult."

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No. I don't even live with my parents anymore. I am an adult. Take me seriously.

9. When somebody younger than you hits on you.

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Just kill me now.

10. "One day you'll be thankful that you look young."

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Yeah, you're right. I'm so thankful that I won't look like you when I'm your age. And I also know I will never ask a girl who looks younger any of these bogus questions you just hit me with. Thanks.

Cover Image Credit: Alex Engel

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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What A Time To Change

My, what four years can do to a person.

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On May 11, 2019, I graduated from Cleveland State. I now have a Bachelors from the College of Liberal Arts and Social Sciences. I cannot believe how much I've changed as a person and what a time college was. Incoming freshmen might think college is all about parties, studying and getting experience. The college experience depends on how you use your time.

I never cared for parties, but I enjoyed writing. When I was an incoming freshman I wasn't sure how I could become a journalist if I wasn't willing to talk to people. I'm an introvert but over the years I became an ambivert.

I promised myself that I wanted college to challenge me. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and create opportunities for myself. Freshman year, I wrote for the Vindicator, the arts and culture magazine on campus. I wasn't sure if I would be any good but I wanted to try. At first, I wrote poems because I wasn't sure what articles I could write. A couple of months after that, I wrote about mental health. After that article, I've enjoyed interviewing people and coming up with topics to write about. Sophomore/junior year I wrote for the Cauldron, campus newspaper, and Odyssey.

I never thought I would have made friends along the way. Nor did I ever think I had the ability to continue writing. I was worried writer's block would have gotten the best of me. I've also learned how to become more organized by writing lists. I prioritized my lists with the important things that had to be done that day with a star. I find myself to become more motivated that way.

I learned how to decrease my stress. There's no reason why we should stress if we know we can't change a situation. For example, I went job hunting today and I was worried that no one would hire me. But then I stopped because I know I would make a wonderful employee. I am great at a lot of things such as communications, writing, and marketing. Someone is bound to hire me. I continue to practice self-care such as meditation, journal prompts and listening to podcasts.

On graduation day, I was not emotional like I was four years ago. My mental health is stronger than before and I've done the best I could in all of my classes. I have no regrets. I've had help from a friend with my resumes and cover letter and I do have experience. I know I will be okay. It's insane to think of all the skills I've racked up in four years.

There are people from the past who've tried to friend me on social media. I always questioned, "Why?" They never liked nor did they ever talked to me. I decided not to accept them because they chose not to socialize with me for a reason. If they didn't want to be friends with me then, I will not allow them to go on this journey with me. We all have futures and we're waiting for our great perhaps. Don't wait for it, do what you can to make it happen. I guess the question is, "What happens now?" Only you can decide.

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