When you first left me in the dust, I felt so much anger towards you, and I even felt some hatred sometimes. I couldn’t understand why after everything I did for you, you still walked away. I never understood what I had done wrong. I gave you so many chances and kept letting you come back into my life.
Then you made me question myself. Was a not a good enough friend? Was I too clingy in the sense that I was always making sure you were okay? Did I push you away? Did I say something wrong? Was it the way I looked? I always tried to blame myself for the things that happened. I never blamed you, and in the end that only hurt me more. I began to think how could I be so awful to do what ever I had done. I was mad at myself for allowing it all to happen.
Now that time has passed, the anger has subsided. I don’t really blame either one of us anymore. Okay, in some situations I still do blame them or myself, but that is because I have plenty of reasons to do so. More often than not, we just found ourselves at different points in our lives and that’s okay. When we found distance between ourselves it was hard to stay in touch. Neither of us are to blame for that.
I also have to thank you for walking away because you made me a stronger person. For better and worse, I have built a stronger wall around myself and you taught me that. At times, it does get me in trouble because I end up blocking out people who are important to me, but it also makes me less vulnerable to getting hurt from the beginning. New people in my life really have to prove themselves and show me that I can trust them. Show me that they are here for the long haul before I open up. The longer it takes for me to trust them the more I can be sure I won’t get hurt.
Thank you for making me understand that I can’t save everyone. Sometimes I hold people in my life longer than I should. I give them chance after chance to make things right, for them to only walk away in the end. Since everyone of you has left me after all I put into our relationships, I have learned that after a certain point if you don’t try I don’t have to either. If I wasn’t able to save you from the beginning, then unfortunately I won’t ever be able to save you.
Sometimes, I held on for to long and let you hurt me more than you initially had. I let myself invest too much. I know now that when people show signs of not caring I will do the same. It is not worth it to me because as I said I can’t save everyone and no matter what I try they won’t fix themselves and become better people while they are in my life.
Most importantly, thank you for teaching me the kind of people I want and need in my life. Thank you for any and all the lessons that you were able to teach me. I learned a lot from what we want through without you even trying to teach me. As they always say some people are here for a short time, a lesson, or to be a blessing in our lives. Every single person that has walked out of my life up until this point has without doubt hurt me, but more importantly they taught me a lesson. Believe it or not I am thankful for them.
In the end though, you will never break me. You can only make me stronger and better.