Lately I've seen an increase of articles on my News Feed with titles like "Why Dating As A Millennial Is So F*cked UP," "18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating," "Why College Dating Is So Messed Up?" and to top it all off, "10 Reasons Why This Generation Is Losing Its Ability To Fall In Love." As all young adults know and have likely experienced, our generation is called Millennials and that title comes with a lot of hate to which we feel we need to defend. In case you are unaware or need further explanation of what that means, the article does an amazing job at just that.
Now, the reason why these articles caught my attention in the first place is because I was shocked at the amount of negative things so many articles can say about dating. Yes, dating is rough, dramatic and complicated but since when is it not also uplifting, fun, amazing and worth it all? When young adults read articles that tell them that dating is getting more painful because of the world we've created, what does that accomplish except to create pessimism about their dating situation?
If this describes you, then I'm here to brighten your world!
The myth that "going on a date" doesn't happen anymore.
Simply wrong. It DOES still happen because we aren't all animals. Coffee counts as a date, pizza counts as a date, going to a movie counts as a date. It can also consist of getting picked up at 7:00 and going to a nice dinner, if that's the kind of guy or gal you're talking to. If that's what you want and you're not getting it, take initiative, or even be so daring as to tell them how you feel and what you want. They're not going to hate you because you want to get dinner with them. Yes, the second or third date is going to be hanging out at their place, watching a show or not having anything planned except to be with each other, but why wouldn't you want that? So, next time don't complain that it may or may not be a date because all it takes is a question or for you to notice that it is just the two of you hanging out. It's a date.
Being ghosted. We've all been there. Don't overreact.
Yes, the polite thing to do is explain to that person in detail what exactly it is about them that makes you not want to be with them so they can get mad at you and use that knowledge for their next dating adventure. Sometimes wouldn't you rather just quietly accept that you aren't going to be hanging out with a person anymore instead of getting told, "Hey, I'm just not that into you."? Ouch. I suggest that you act like your mature age, accept that you and that person aren't meant to be, and be a little bummed out but continue along your way.
Expecting perfection because that's what we see on social media, TV Shows and movies.
First, soak in this inspirational quote.
Our pets have flaws and our favorite TV show characters have flaws and we love them endlessly so why wouldn't we give the same courtesy to someone we want a relationship with? Social Media plays an obvious role in ideas of dating because relationships of beautiful famous people and beautiful normal people are filtered and captioned with love and care. Because of this, they and everyone else are convinced that they are perfect and you can't help but compare yourself and relationships to them. NEWS FLASH those relationships aren't perfect.
We thought Jay and Alexis were perfect and yet they only dated for two years and had a dramatic breakup. If seeing these pictures make you want to travel with your significant other more then that's awesome, but DO NOT fall into the trap of comparing yourself or anyone else because no good can come out of that.
The myth that showing you care makes you needy or too available...and that's a bad thing.
If someone calls you needy, unless they clarify that it doesn't bother them, it means you bother them. If you want a relationship, there's nothing wrong with not being available every second of every day to make sure that person isn't wanting to hang out because they assume you're waiting around for them. If you are scared of seeming "too much" or "needy" while dating, find someone who appreciates you for all that you are because believe me, they're out there. There's no such thing as being too available and there's no need to give in to an imaginary game. Just be you, and as cheesy as that sounds, there is someone looking for just that.
Side note: Texting someone first, being affectionate and texting back immediately is not a bad thing. Calling 24 times in a row, constantly wanting to know who they're with, what they're doing and where, or trying to control who they hang out with is something completely different and not cool at all.
The "I'm scared of commitment club."
Millennials are afraid of commitment. Millennials aren't trusting in relationships. Millennials love the hookup culture. Lies on lies on lies!!!!
Here's the truth. Some people have commitment and trust issues but just as many people don't! Someone will work on overcoming their fears of commitment with you if they want to, and if you are willing to understand where they're coming from. This is not a characteristic of an entire generation. Of course I have to talk about the hookup culture!!! As much as we believe it and older people blame us for it, this is not a new thing!! As long as there have been teenagers and young adults in a college atmosphere they have been hooking up with each other! But many articles like to say that we are stuck in it, and there's no way that's true. You totally can be a part of that if you want to be, no doubt about that. But as shocking as it may seem, you can just as easily not be a part of that!
If you quit reading articles that convince you to be a pessimist, because you're a young adult trapped in a changing world of dating, you could realize how lucky we are. We are so lucky to get to text, call or see our boyfriends and girlfriends at a click of a button. Dating is what you make it, and I'm begging you not to get caught up in the growing idea that Millennials are victims of a dating culture gone wrong.
