I remember puberty hit me hard in fourth grade with countless pimples on my face. They started to give me nicknames and made fun of me. They thought it was fun and cool. I pretended that it was fun and cool to laugh off the rest of the elementary school years. But deeply inside the soul of a ten-year-old girl, I knew it hurt and since then I knew I wasn’t pretty, I was ugly indeed. I started to build up higher self-awareness than anyone.

Puberty did not leave me alone in middle school. I remember once, a popular girl at school just spoke up in the middle of the crowd and said to me “Look, her skin looks like crispy rice”, because there are holes in crispy rice and my skin was never that smooth white skin of most Asian girls.

I remember my first love fell in love with another girl after being in the relationship for a year. She, according to other friends and I, looked better than I did.

I hated every time my sister and I went out together and they complimented on her because she was skinnier and pretty with Asian smooth and lighter skin. I hated when my Mom gave my sister clothes that she originally bought me because she thought I looked bad in them and my sister fit better.

I still remember Mom told me my calves looked like those of soccer players. She was not exaggerating, it’s the true and it’s genetic. Even guys got thinner legs than I did. I remember that moment when my aunt looked at my calves and told me “OMG you’re calves are so big”. The memory is never erased. My calves and thighs were the main factor for my insecurities. I grew up never dare to wear shorts (or mini skirt). Even when I wanted to, Mom “kindly suggested” me not to buy because I did not look good in them. It was also a big nightmare for me to have a fit pair of pants because my legs are short but they are oversize. I was too obsessed with the thought of having just ideal skinner legs that most my girl friends possessed that everyday I prayed for that .

When I was old enough to realize it was time to stop all the judgment. I put myself to a strict diet and worked out really hard to the point I started to form baby 6-packs. I lost 25lbs and looked better. But I was never satisfied with myself. I was physically healthy but not mentally. I couldn’t bear getting jealous with the girls on Instagram and Facebook. I wish could be like her, or them, or just a part of them.

Not until recently I started to learn that, instead of wishing for someone’s body, trying to look like someone, why not just take whatever I’m having and embrace it.I can never change my leg form, but I can always tone them. I balance out my daily life with moderation of fitness and eating. I still get to eat food I like in moderate amount. I’m not longer that “fit” like that one point but at least I’m happy with who I am. No more pinching at my tummy fat and weighing myself multiple times of the day and count every pound it dropped.

I used to put on eyeliner every time I went out, else I would feel very insecure because I was born with smaller eyes compared to the rest of my family and in my culture, bigger eyes reflect the beauty. But I stopped for a while already because I found the cuteness and naivety in my own eyes that eyeliner can't bring.

It does not matter how you look, what important is our mindset, our view about ourselves. At some point we have to accept the body and the look we were given with. Everyone is different in their own way. And if someone or some people don’t think your beauty suits their eyes, that doesn’t mean you have to try to fit in their standards because there are always many others who appreciate you as who you are.

What I have been doing is everyday taking a snapchat face selfie with a caption “Bare face at its finest” and an occasional body selfie to learn to love myself more and makeup for what it had to suffer in the past. My skin has never been perfect It’s still full of tiny hold resulted from pimples and small pimple. But why aim to be perfect when that makes me who I am and pretty in my unique way?

Perhaps if you’re struggling with body-image and self-confidence, start to take a selfie of your bare face everyday. One day you will realize how beautiful it is.