A rival that generates more hatred (and funny signs) than many of our other conference opponents, Pitt is a school that divides the state of Pennsylvania the week Pitt plays Penn State in football. So while both Penn State and Pitt's Barstool Instagrams fill up with obnoxious signs and hype videos, the students of both schools focus on the most important thing: watching a win. In fact, there is nothing more painful to watch than a Penn State loss to Pitt. I compiled a list of 50 other things I would rather watch for 3 hours than a Penn State vs. Pitt game where Penn State isn't on top:
1. Continuous snow on the TV screen.
2. A screamo concert at full volume.
3. Infomercials.
4. Grass grow.
5. Those "tag somebody to ruin their day" videos.
6. The ending of "E.T."
7. Paint dry.
8. Lobsters getting cooked.
9. Screaming children or crying babies.
10. Live surgical procedures...
11. ...or any of the "Dr. Pimple Popper" videos.
12. "Sharknado."
13. Live footage of a hurricane.
14. The Sun make a complete revolution
Which takes about 250 million years.
15. Ohio State beat any team that isn't Penn State...
16. ...or replace 'Ohio State' in #15 with 'Michigan.'
17. Any of John LaJoie's YouTube music videos.
18. A swarm of angry bees approach me.
Or maybe not.
19. Ice melt.
20. Those animal rescue commercials.
21. "Barney"
22. A wall with nothing on it.
23. The "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" episode where the guy loses on the million dollar question.
24. The Logan Paul forest vlog.
25. Any of Sanjaya's "American Idol" performances...
26. ...or any of Paula Abdul's "American Idol" critiques.
27. My eighth grade biology class lessons.
Anyone in my class can testify how painful that is!
28. Water boil.
29. "The Backyardigans" theme on a loop.
30. The Rutgers fans chanting, 'F*ck Penn State!'
Meanwhile, when did we ever lose 78-0 to a conference opponent?
31. A Killers concert where they forget to play "Mr. Brightside."
32. Childbirth.
33. An awkward date.
34. People walking around on a nude beach who...shouldn't be...
35. The ''Goth Underpass Rave" video.
Especially the one to the "Thomas the Tank Engine" theme song.
36. The one man in China who can pull a car with his eyelids.
37. Ashlee Simpson's lip-syncing fail on SNL.
38. Any of the 2016 presidential debates.
39. A funeral.
40. The "Spongebob" episode where Spongebob loses Gary.
41.Obnoxiously long Snapchat/Instagram stories.
42. The Willard Preacher.
43. An 8 A.M. lecture.
44. A broken television.
So I wouldn't have to see the loss, of course.
45. Cars running over birds and chipmunks.
46. Teeth getting pulled.
47. Stagnant water.
48. The Miss Teen USA South Carolina 2007 response.
"Everywhere like such as."
49. Fergie singing the National Anthem.
50. Basically, anything.
Because, after all, nothing hurts more to watch than a Penn State loss to Pitt.
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