The other week, I heard someone say that they have spent a lot of time trying to "die on the cross" for their own sins, when they know Jesus already paid the price for them on the cross. I could relate to this concept. If you're anything like me, you may have felt a seemingly unrelenting sense of guilt, like you have sinned too much, and God could never forgive you fully. God is constantly giving us His love and forgiveness, yet so many of us feel the need to somehow earn it. But there's nothing we could do to earn God's love. It's already ours.
Imagine it like this. You've spent the whole day working on an incredible meal for your significant other. It's a meal you're really proud of and you know they're going to love it. To your surprise, when they come home, they don't even notice the meal. They even start rummaging through the pantry and refrigerator to gather up ingredients to cook their own dinner. You're shocked and saddened. "I spent all day cooking for you. Why won't you eat what I already made?" Your significant other explains that they need to cook for themselves. You answer back saying that you cooked for them because you love them, and that you would gladly do it all over again. And still, they insist they must do the work themselves.
That's my best attempt at explaining what it's like when we want to pay the price for our own sins. Jesus already paid the price in full. We're saying that everything, His entire life to His crucifixion, is not enough. We're choosing to not live in freedom after all that He did up on the cross for us. I just know that break His heart.
I want to encourage you to think about the sacrifice. Really think about Christ's death and resurrection. Remember, He did that out of pure love for you. The battle has already been one. You can walk in freedom now.