If we take a traditional route of relationships as outlined by the established patriarchal society we reside, heterosexual gender roles have always placed man at the head and women as followers.
Historically speaking men would find a wife, willing or unwilling, and be expected to care for her financially. She probably didn’t work, nor did she possess any skill or quality beyond child bearing and wifely duties. Fast forward centuries and women are now working, they possess skills, and they can single handedly care for themselves and their families.
However, there are also women who do not have skills or job which pay enough to sustain a household. Some women have been raised in the traditional manner outlined above in which the man is the head and the provider. If I am a woman who wants a relationship with traditional sex roles, I aspire to meet a man with money and possessions to ensure I will be cared for in a way I am accustomed too. A woman in such position will soon find out she will be referred to as a "gold- digger."
The patriarchy will have you believe that if you are a woman that wants a man financially well off, you are simply looking for financial gain.
This may or may not be true, but historically that was the role of a mother and father who had to marry off a daughter. Her parents being unable to care for her their entire lives needed to ensure she would be taken care of, preferably by a man with money.
Regardless if a woman can care for herself, or she may have grown up in poverty, or she may be accustomed to a life void of financial worry, the reverse psychology society uses on women sends a message of shame for wanting a life patriarchy intended in the first place. It is not only men who shame women wanting a financially worry free life, but women will call her a gold- digger as well as a means to bring her down.
I personally do not aspire to find a rich man, I just need an adult that can pay bills and buy me a smoothie and a sandwich if I get hungry. But what if I were? What if I was a woman who grew up seeing my parents and people around me struggle?
If I had low self-esteem and no other way out, but to find a rich man, I would do so, but I would also be made to feel guilty for wanting it. Another scenario would be if I could support myself, but I wanted a man that could provide for me as well, I too would be coined gold-digger.
Women, adolescents, and girls are being sent mixed messages, women nowadays should expect less from a man and provide for self, but when we do we threaten the position of the patriarchy. When we abide by the social norms of the patriarchy by expecting our spouse to be sole provider, we are derogatively labeled.
Another piece of the pie is the flaunting of wealth. In all seriousness, if you present yourself as a man of wealth, do not be surprised by the attraction of people who want to be a part of your financial stability.
Should you allow yourself to be used for your wealth? No, but surely there is someone that has something to offer in exchange. Isn’t that what a successful relationship boils down too? People who have something to offer each other…
As a woman on the dating scene, I am met by men who complain about having to pay for a woman on a date because there is no guarantee she will like him, but when I offer to pay for myself and sometimes them, I am met with a look of audacity.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with wanting a spouse that can support a household, to want to live free of financial worry. I am not condoning using people for their money, that turns violent real quick, but women should not be made to feel guilty for having expectations of a spouse.
Trust and believe there are some responsibilities that come along with a relationship, but there should be balance and open discussion about roles and expectations.
