Dear 13-year-old me,
If I could go back in time and tell you one thing, it would be, 'don’t worry what other people think about you'. You spent your entire time in middle school hiding from the bullies, crying in the bathroom, and fighting mom to stay home from school. I wish I could tell you, "Who cares what other people think about you?!" People are going to talk about you anyway, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Spend your time focusing on your studies, and spend time with your true friends. Don’t worry about the popular girls who said you can sit with them if you let them copy your homework. Stop styling your hair with front bangs that are curved just because the popular girls think its all the rage, because trust me, it’s not. Be yourself and wear what you want to wear to school. When people make fun of your “Bobby Jack” shirts in class, don’t even care because mom bought you those shirts and you thought they were cool.
I wish I could go back in time and tell you to love yourself. You spent so much time hating yourself and everything you do, when you could’ve been learning to love yourself and to be happy. You longed to be happy in middle school when you were the controller of your happiness. Yes, bullies were mean, and yes, it was hard to go to school and face them, but you shouldn’t have let them determine your emotional and mental state. You allowed them to put fear into your mind, you allowed them to scare you into skipping classes to avoid the stares and the laughter. The only opinions that matter is your own opinion of yourself. Looking back on middle school I wish I could’ve been able to just listen to myself and do what makes me happy and what makes me smile. You tried so hard to fit in, but it was never good enough, for anyone. The one person who cared about you was your one true best friend, and she always made sure to tell you that you were beautiful and you were worth something. You should’ve listened to her!
I want you to know that middle school doesn’t matter. Everyone hated middle school. It wasn’t just you trying to find excuses to miss school, there was plenty of other people suffering, you weren’t alone even though you insisted you were. You allowed the bullies to get into your head which lead to you beginning to self harm in seventh grade. If I could go back I would knock that razor out of your hands and tell you it’s not worth it. You traveled down a dangerous path with beginning to self harm, but now you’ve overcome it! Here you are now, you’re 19 years old and you’ve been clean from self harm for over a year, you’ve learned to love yourself, and you have a loving boyfriend, friends, and family who never allowed you to give up!
Thank you for not giving up on yourself.
Love, Taylor
