When Your Passion Becomes Your Enemy

When Your Passion Becomes Your Enemy

Sometimes our favorite things can become our worst nightmares.
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Wrestling has been the foundation of my life for the last 12 years. The past two years however, have been full of frustration, disappointment, and anger. In a previous article, I wrote about how sacrificing the first half of my collegiate wrestling career by undergoing shoulder surgery in early August, has forced me to become tougher mentally. As of right now, I am four months into the rehab and everything was going according to plan. At least until now, that is.

During my Thanksgiving break, my parents and I agreed that I should get an MRI on my other shoulder just to make sure it was safe. That following Monday, I got a call from the surgeon with the results. Sadly, it wasn't the result I was hoping for. He told me that I had a Bankart tear in my labrum and that we needed to meet to discuss treatment options. The following week, my family and I sat in his office and made a decision,

After looking over the MRI and listening to my surgeon's opinion, I decided that I would be undergoing a second surgery. This has been such an incredibly frustrating time for me. I never thought I'd ever have to sit out of competition for a year, never-mind two. This surgery will push my recovery time all the back until June, instead of March or April. It seems to leave me with this question: Where to I go from here?

Truth be told, I'm not really sure. I don't know what I do once I'm back to 100%. I love wrestling, I love it with every fiber of my being. But, at the same time, I hate what it has done to me. This sport has destroyed my body and destabilized my life. If I said that I wasn't scared to get back on the mat, then I'd be lying. I'd also be lying if I said I didn't want to wrestle again, because I can't imagine my life without it. I guess I just need time to think and heal. At least I'll have plenty of that in the coming months.

What do you do when your passion becomes your enemy? Do you continue to push back and hurt yourself more? Or, do you decide to step back, let it go, and move on the a new stage in your life? Maybe there's a middle ground somewhere yet to be discovered.

I guess all I can do for the time being is prepare myself for the long year that lies ahead. No matter what happens, I will always have the skills and lessons that I was taught over the past 12 years. Those can never be torn away from me.

Cover Image Credit: Nathan Dlugopolski

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My Acceptance Speech For My Letter Of Rejection

Your proposition to make life's bummers Oscar-winning moments.
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This is my acceptance speech for the award I received engraved with the phrase, "You've been rejected." To put this in simpler terms, I did not get selected for the position I applied for. It's certainly no Oscar, but it sure shines like one.

This is your proposition to make life's bummers Oscar-winning moments. This won't be awkward.

Remember the one question we were asked as little ones?

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I wanted to be a teacher, a scientist, a cosmetologist and a fashion designer. While a doctor, police officer, firefighter, psychologist or lawyer are some of the other occupations we listed, no one ever said, "When I grow up I want to be a journalist" — not even me.

Around age five, my teacher recognized my outstanding reading — I have a certificate of proof. At age 11, I looked forward to the days we were required to wear close-toed shoes and foggy old goggles. In high school, A.K.A. the era in which we wanted to own both Justin Bieber's latest album and his side bangs, I was the go-to girl to cut your hair. Right before graduating high school, I penciled in one more goal at the bottom of my lifetime to-do list: Attend Parsons School of Design. The following fall semester at Washington State University, I put myself on the track to potentially certify in the apparel design program.

Given all the initiatives I took in my past to explore the little quirks of every profession I ever wanted to pursue, I guess you can say all I have left to do now is choose what it is I want to do.

Here's the truth:

It's been almost eight years since I read a novel for fun. Today, if you catch my nose between pages, it's probably because I am sniffing the perfume sample in an issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. I still don't mind wearing close-toed shoes as long as they add miles to my legs, and click and echo on hardwood floors. I haven't cut my own hair in two years, which means for two years the plastic ties of clothing tags are the only things I severed with my sheers. Speaking of which, I can't remember the last time I snipped through the fabric, or heard the bustling hum of a sewing machine. In fact, I changed my major to be someone in broadcast journalism.

What now? Even though I had all the tools I needed to become a teacher, scientist, hairdresser and fashion designer, I no longer have a desire to become either. What else is left for me to be good at?

It wasn't until recently that I realized my most valuable possession is my voice. That is what I have left for me to become — well, me.

From getting time-outs for talking too much in kindergarten to feeling exhilaration instead of embarrassment after goofing up my first live weather report, I've always known that the expressive bug inside me would never leave. That's something I'm can't wait to live with for the rest of my life, despite the trouble it's put me through.

Cover Image Credit: Greg in Hollywood

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13 Times You Say, 'I’m Dropping Out of College' And ALMOST Mean It

Almost everyone can guarantee that college will be the "best years of your life,” but it does come with its challenges.
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Every college student will eventually have this thought in their head.

Almost everyone can guarantee that college is “the best years of your life,” but it does come with its challenges. Here are a few things that make us contemplate the duration of our college career.

1. When you have no idea how much Financial Aid you’re going to receive for the upcoming school year.

Financial Aid is so important because it allows students to not have to worry about paying for school, by being awarded federal grants and loans. Having to wait to know how much aid you will receive until right before the next school year is about to start is very distressing. If you can’t pay for your education out of pocket, you either have to find another way to pay for it or discuss what the next steps are if you’re unable to pay for your schooling.

2. When you have a class before 8 o'clock in the morning.

Nobody wants to get up early in order to get ready and go to class- it just isn’t fun for most students. How does anyone stay awake that early in lecture without coffee?

3. When your professor grades strictly.

A strict grader means it’s harder to succeed, especially when they are nit-picking every single thing you do. In some cases, perfection is the only way to get an A in you professor’s eyes.

4. When your schedule is packed for the week.

You might feel overwhelmed at everything that’s on your plate and that’s due in the near future. Freedom is limited- just remember to take time to breathe.

5. When you hardly get any sleep.

Staying up too late or struggling to fall asleep can be a pain, and waking up in the morning is the last thing we want to do. Having to be up longer than 12 hours at this point requires coffee.

6. When you miss your friends and family.

Being homesick might make you want to pack up your bags every chance you get, and when you are finally back home you just don’t want the breaks to end. All you can think about is the next time you don’t have to do schoolwork or going to be on campus.

7. When you’re challenged in class you might not excel in.

Life isn’t easy, and college isn’t either. If you don’t understand the material, it’s easy to want to give up.

8. When you get a bad grade on an exam.

There’s a reason why exams weigh so heavily and pretty much determine the letter grade you can get in a class. You need to comprehend the material and concepts in order to prosper.

9. When you start falling behind.

Remember when you said that you’d read that one chapter for class this past weekend? Well it never happened, and you have to read at least four chapters if you want to be up to speed with what’s actually happening in lecture. We all know the deal.

10. When your GPA isn’t where you want it to be.

You know you can do better than where your GPA is at now. Just know that you’re capable and have so much potential.

11. When your expected graduation date gets pushed back.

Not everyone will complete their Bachelor’s in 4 years. Having to wait at least another semester to graduate feels like an eternity. You just feel disappointed, stressed, and exhausted. In hindsight, you might have regrets and wish you could’ve done things differently.

12. When you think of whether the decision to go to college was right for you.

There are so many variables that brought you to be where you are today. You may have regrets about the past, doubts about the present, and worries about the unknown future. Rationalize your priorities, and maybe it’ll give you a clearer head based off your initial decision.

13. When life just isn’t going your way.

You might be having another bad day, are sad, or just aren’t in the mood to devote your time to your studies. You’re drained of constantly running to get everything required of you done. You might have made a major mistake and just want to quit, embarrassed of failure.


"College has given me the confidence I need to fail." - Jarod Kintz
Cover Image Credit: YouTube

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