To The Current And Future Parents Seeking To Reward Their Kids

To The Current And Future Parents Seeking To Reward Their Kids

Parents face the ultimate struggle of raising a child to be independent while also loving and caring for them, and it's easy to slip into a pattern of providing material affection rather than a genuine connection.


Pretend that you're a parent. I know, impossible to see yourself in that thankless position right now, but your parents and theirs all thought that at your age too, and look where they are now. You're at a store to buy something, and you bring your son along because he needs to get out of the house more often and you want to spend time with him. Everything's going great at first; you've both got a good banter going, and it feels like you're actually connecting with him in a way you haven't before.

This all changes when you stroll by the toy section and he begins to eye a certain action figure. He plants his feet, points at the excessively muscular blob of plastic, and mutters those words you hate hearing: "I want it."

What a spoiled brat, you might think to yourself. You, unfortunately, know from experience what's going to happen. You're in a rush and short on cash, so you gently tell him that we're in a hurry and he can get a toy on his birthday in a couple months, desperately hoping this situation will turn out differently. As if on command, he turns red, and seconds later he erupts into sobbing and tears. You submit to him like you always do—you grab the action figure and head to the checkout. He grins over his additional victory. With the swipe of a credit card, you're free. For now.

When children take advantage of their parents' love and care to get what they want, they really aren't cognizant of the mistake they are making. Every time they satisfy their tangible desires through physical gifts, they become more reliant on being rewarded with fairly meaningless substances. Parents struggle to identify how to properly reward children and behavior and can often choose this ineffective route of material objects. The decision has dangerous consequences as children become spoiled and ultimately grow dependent on their parents to bail them out of adversity.

Giving children material gifts no doubt seems like a reasonable form of parenting. After all, parents just want their kids to be happy, and a gift here and there does no harm. Catering to each of their child's desires to potentially form a stronger bond between is certainly enticing. At the same time, however, no parent wants to willingly place obstacles or barriers in front of their son or daughter, so they end up babying them.

As a result of being pampered, children learn to take advantage of their parents' disposition to generosity—not out of malice, but simply because they can get away with it. After being spoiled for a great duration, children like your hypothetical son might think their gifts were like rights that they deserved, not privileges to be earned. James Lehman has a master's in Social Work and regularly write to parents struggling with taking care of their children. He notes in one article that the sense of obligation doesn't dissipate when children are pleased by gifts, but instead grows to make them feel entitled. Entitlement makes kids unprepared for when an adult won't always be there to support them. When this behavior isn't corrected at a young age, then they become rooted in a cycle of receiving gifts and don't know how to react to adversity, a situation no child or adult should find themselves in.

If parents shouldn't appease children, what should we do? It's hard to abandon material gifts, but rewarding positive behavior with a different type of gift is the best way to teach them to be independent while retaining a connection. This reward doesn't offer the tangible items your son yearns for, but it is much more powerful. It is something that even the strongest of action figures cannot achieve. Instead of buying your son a toy, why not show a love that no sum of money can replicate and spending quality time with him? This is a better expression of how you care for him. Your son will value this type of fathering much more, and he won't be reliant on always getting his way without adversity. He'll become more independent, and while that's frightening as a caring parent, independence does not mean disconnection. Your son can be intimately connected to you without relying on material satisfaction. Watching him grow as an individual and forge his own character is much more rewarding than the artificial gratitude of the past. Someday, he might even have his own loving family that he will take good care of—just like you did.

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Thank You & I'm Sorry: An Open Letter To My Parents

You can wait for college and honestly, so can I.


Dear parents,

I don't want to grow up either. I want to always be your little girl and I always want to have you take care of me. I wish I could stop time because I feel it too, I'm growing up too fast.

I don't want to buy my own groceries and take care of myself when I'm sick, but I also can't wait to grow up to fulfill my dreams and give you grandkids. I can say I'm so grateful for you a thousand times every second but that still wouldn't amount to love and support you've given me. You've done everything for my brother and me, even if you don't think we notice, we do.

I remember being that 13-year-old girl that couldn't wait to be an adult and go to college and now that it is actually happening in a few short months I want to stop and go back. I want to apologize for every fight about me growing up too fast to tell you, you were right.

Dad, I'm sorry for going out with all those guys. You were right, they were dumb and a waste of my time. Thank you for being there to mend my first broken heart and offering to kick their ass. The first man I loved in my life was you and I know I can always count on you for the endless love back.

Mom, you're my rock. You've had my back countless times and I know you always will. Thank you for being the best shoulder to cry on and always telling me the truth. You've been by my side when I'm at worst and my best. I love you always!

I just want you to know, you did a great job raising me. I am healthy and I am happy and it all because of you. I could never ask for better parents because I already have the best.

I love you.

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