As sad as it sounds, when a marriage ends, the kids are usually the ones who suffer the most, and can sometimes be put in the middle of the conflict. I am not here to judge you, or to tell you how to live your life. I know some marriages end for horrible reasons and I am not suggesting that no matter what, you should always get along with your ex. That’s not the message. I am here to flip the coin, to talk about those parents who didn’t put their kids in the middle: you don’t know how grateful we are for that.
My parents got divorced when I was around 7 years old. I don’t remember much about it, except that it made me feel sad. Really sad. I always recall one night in particular; my father had already left the house and my mother was downstairs watching the news. I went crying to her and she hugged me. I told her “I don’t want you to hate each other” and she promised, while washing my tears away, that it would never be that way. She keeps that promise till today.
Every person with divorced parents went through a similar thing, in multiple different ways. We all have a different story. But what we, the kids whose parents didn’t put in the middle, can agree on, is that as we get older we realize how thankful we should be with them for doing so. For us, it was not a competition; no parent had to win us over. We were not a price. My parents, as I hope many others as well, put me and my siblings first, no matter what was really going on between them. I never heard them fight; not married, not divorced. I grew up knowing that love exists, and that sometimes a person you thought would be forever is not, but that doesn’t mean that love doesn’t exist at all.
Dear parents out there: we need you. While growing up, I had friends who told me “my mom says my dad doesn’t give us money to buy food”, I had friends who didn’t see their father/mother for months, and had some who the court and judges where part of their everyday life. We need a family, please don’t make us choose. We need you to guide us; make us learn from your mistakes, not be part of them.
In my family, we went through some good times and some I wish I could forget. But through all of it I had them by my side. They are both in happy relationships now, and I even have little siblings who I love with my entire heart. And every time I see both families together, because yeah, we do that, a smile comes to my face; I realized that happy endings can be unexpected, but they do exist. I never told them yet, but I want all these parents to know, in name of every daughter and son in the same situation: Thank you. Thank you for not letting us grow up in a love triangle.
