When I was younger, I knew my parents didn't have the greatest love story in history.
They are both incredible people who are great as friends, but they were never very passionate about their marriage. Being such a romantic, my heart was sad for them and wanted them to be deeply in love like some Nicholas Sparks novel. I don't know how many times I pushed them to go out on a dinner date or asked why they never did anything together, but nothing ever changed. They were just two people living in the same house but living separate lives.
During my senior year of high school, things got really bad between my father and me. We would argue all the time and I felt like he didn't understand me at all. Since I'm basically a mini replica of my mother, I finally understood how she felt. I realized that my father never really understood or tried to understand my mother.
My mother confided in me that she had been very unhappy within the last few years of her marriage to my father. I knew that since I was the last child to leave home, that there wasn't much going for them after I left. My father wants to travel the world when he retires in a couple years, but my mother wants to continue teaching for a long time. They have completely different outlooks and dreams for the future, but neither of them considered what the other would want to do. Almost like they both planned on the other not being with them.
When my parents came up for my sorority's parents weekend during my first semester, I thought that it would be a good excuse for my parents to bond.
Usually, when my family travels somewhere, we would take two cars. My brother and father in one, and my mother and sister and I in the other. I thought maybe if my mother and father stuck in a four-hour car ride together, that it would be the perfect opportunity for them to talk. That weekend resulted in the exact opposite of what I had hoped.
We had a really big fight, which ended with me telling them to go ahead and get a divorce because it was obvious they didn't need to be together. Granted this was not something I should have ever said to my parents, but I think they knew it was coming.
Over Christmas break, my parents sat my siblings and me down and told us about their separation. It was hard to hear, and at first, I thought it was my fault because of what I had said to them. However, I knew that it had been a long thing coming. I remember asking if it was a mutual decision to get separated, and they both agreed that it was for the best.
Now, my mother is moved into an apartment in town that's closer to her job and all her friends. She calls me a lot to ask my opinion on things to buy for the apartment since I'll be living with her when I come home from college. I can tell she's excited to decorate her place like she wants and to be able to socialize in town more.
My father is focused on work, and he hardly has time to do anything else. They get along better now than they ever have before. My father has been very generous in helping my mom move into the apartment and making sure she has everything she needs.
It obvious to me that they still care about each other a lot, but that they were never meant to be romantic partners. My family didn't do anything as an actual family, it was always separated between the girls and guys. Since their separation, we have done more things as a family than ever before, like scheduled dinners and bowling on the weekends.
Divorce or separating doesn't have to be a bad thing. It may be hard to deal with the changes that come from it, but if both parents are happier apart, and both are willing to stay friends and keep the family together, then it's probably for the best.
