On August 10, 2018, I received some of the hardest news I have ever had to. I was told that my papa had passed away, and I was a mess. I had never had to deal with anything like this before, so I didn't know what to do. For the longest time, and still every now and then I can hear my mom's voice in my head telling me he had passed away. When I saw her name on my phone, I had a feeling what the phone call was about, but it still wasn't enough to prepare me to deal with this.

I went home for that week and was able to spend my time with people who loved me and were going through the exact same thing. It was nice to be surrounded by my family and in a place with so much love for one of the greatest men I have ever known. The hardest part was thinking all week that I just had to finish up my summer classes wait a few days then I was going to be at home and I was going to see him again, then that is not how it went at all. I never got that one last time, I had no idea that when I said goodbye in June/July, that it was really going to be goodbye.

Here I am a month into my second year of college and going through it wanting to talk to my papa one last time and tell him what I should have said a long time ago, so here it goes:

Papa,

I love you so much, you were so strong for all of us when we were trying to be strong for you. Ever since you were diagnosed with cancer, all I have ever wanted was for you to be happy and at peace with it all. And now you are. You are not in pain anymore, you are not hanging on for us anymore, you are doing what you want with a God who loves you so much. I still feel like you should be here and there are so many things I wanted you to be here for, but I know that you are always watching over us, even as I am typing this. You loved and cared for our family for so long and now you are with a God who will love and care for you forever.

A day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about you and the light you brought to the world, and I love you so much for that. You made me smile every time I saw you, even if you weren't having a good day. Even in the midst of all of your pain, you put us first and did so much so we would be left with all of these great memories with you. I am so grateful to have grown up with a papa like you.

I love you and I miss you.

Love,

Shelby