So a topic that can be kind of taboo is something we should welcome. I am a person that believes pain is something (sometimes) we should welcome. When you think of a woman giving birth you can only imagine the pain (if she is not on morphine) she must be going through. However, when you think about it, what she is actually going through is change. It is a change you can even see. A newborn is welcomed into her life. She wants to share this wonderful thing called life. It is almost a metaphor for life. Prepare for change, go through it, embrace it, learn. This to me, is the cycle of life.
When I was 15 years old, I tried my first cigarette. For some strange reason, I went against what my parents said and tried one. I (at first) had no idea what the big deal was. A bunch of nasty smelling smoke going down your lungs. After the first few puffs, I felt this feeling. It was a felling of pleasure. I wanted more. Maybe at the time that was not exactly what I was thinking, but I know I wanted more. In my opinion, a cigarette is a gateway drug, however there are much more scientific opinions out there. I ended up trying pot, then prescriptions, and so on. I thought I was being young and stupid. I was actually just being crazy.
I ended up needing help. I was brave enough to ask for it, many of my peers wanted to keep on "trying" things, I could feel that this was not how it was supposed to be. I knew I was gay, and there was NOTHING wrong with that, but I could feel that this was a place I did not want to be. I started my journey of self-realization. It was (and still can be) one of the most painful things to go through. Accepting that you are not perfect, is hard. Its really hard when you see so much "perfection" around you. It is still part of the journey. One of the most difficult things to do was telling someone I was not OK. It made me feel weak, ugly and powerless. Over time, I began to realize that doing that gave me all the power I will ever need.
Pain is something we run from, it is also something we are taught makes us stronger. How do you know which is which? Well, after that woman has her child she is overwhelmed with joy. She is not expecting the next few years to be filled with sleepless nights, worrisome, and maybe even craziness that is unbearable. But still, she will be brought to tears when she realizes how beautiful it is to share this gift we call life. A journey of realizations, of pain, and of beauty. Maybe pain can be something that tells us we are doing it right. Namaste.
