After having a pretty great response from my last mortifying, soul-baring experience, I've decided to post another piece that I wrote whenever I was young. Share this if you like it!

From the time I was about 11, I fancied myself an amateur songwriter. Anybody who knows me from that time period knows that I was in love with somebody new about once every two weeks (something I address in my last article), and I expressed that infatuation through lyrics. Bad lyrics. Horrifyingly embarrassing lyrics.

This is probably the most unbelievably sappy, awful song that I wrote during that time. I apologize, I could only find the first page of it. Believe me, that's enough.

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She walks as if mortal. (Oh no.)

A rose among thorns. (Oh God, please no.)

But may God bless the day

This creature was born. (I chose the word CREATURE. Like Bigfoot.)

A silent beauty.

Elegant, refined. (More on this below.)

She sees more than the rest of us. (Is she a psychic?)

This goddess divine.

That smile, oh that smile,

How it captivates my mind.

And the way she looks at me (With mild amusement.)

Puts my heartstrings in a bind.

I can't really explain it (You thought she was hot.)

Even time after time,

But I can't resist that girl. (She could definitely resist you.)

The goddess divine.

Never seen her stumble,

Never seen her fall.

But maybe goddesses are mortal

After all. (I think the word cliche took tangible form here.)

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Oh my God, even typing that made me want to crawl under a rock and die.

Let's dissect this a little bit. I wrote this song about a crush that I had whenever I was in junior high. Completely ignoring the totally sacrilegious aspect of calling somebody a goddess, let's focus on the fact that there has never been a junior high student in the history of the entire world that was “elegant” or “refined.” When I was in junior high, I ate a milk carton. I've told people for years that I did it because somebody paid me money to do it. I didn't. I was just a really weird kid. THAT AGE OF HUMAN CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANYTHING EVEN APPROACHING REFINED.

I think more than anything, this expresses how badly I wanted to be taken seriously as a grown up. I mean, I was in junior high. I had rotating class periods. I had kissed a girl in the bushes behind her house. I practically had a mortgage. Whatever that means.

The moral behind the story is a moral you already knew. junior high boys are clunky and awkward. They have no idea how to express feelings they think they have. Good God, let's all be glad that that time in our lives is over.