Ya ever feel like your friends and family want so much from you even though you know they just want to see you?
Sometimes that is too much.
Just because I blow plans off, or don't text back and answer calls, I'm not trying to personally avoid anyone. I miss my friends and family all the time, and I want nothing but the best for them, but sometimes just getting out of bed is hard. Replying to texts and putting effort into conversations is too hard. Doing tasks that may seem simple to you like washing the dishes, washing your hair, going to work or classes, etc., is just too hard.
It's okay to be sad. It's okay to avoid the world for a couple of days if it helps you regroup or settle your anxiety.
Most of the time I get like this I don't even know what I'm sad about. I don't even know if sad is the right way to describe what I'm feeling. I isolate myself because I don't have the energy to be around anyone, but then I feel overwhelmingly lonely. I am fully aware that I'm doing it to myself, but I don't need anyone to point that out. Just remind me that I'm not alone even if I need to be alone.
Don't make me feel shitty for laying in bed or not going out because I already feel shitty about it. I have enough of my own guilt without yours piled on. Don't make me feel bad about missing your birthday. Don't make me feel bad because I didn't reply to your text about the gym or your significant other. I'm sorry, but I'm too tired and too fucking sad to care about that right now.
When I pull myself out of this funk, I will apologize for how shitty I know I'm being to you, but in the meantime, try sending positive vibes my way instead. Instead of texting me about how rude or weird I'm being, tell me I'm doing okay. Tell me you're fucking proud of me because God knows that's what I need to hear right now.
Yeah, I skipped class again, or maybe I didn't go to work. No, I'm not skipping my responsibilities to hang out with my friends or go out. What you didn't see was the anxiety attack I had in the shower, and in my car, and on the sidewalk in front of twenty other people. I know that everything I'm doing is hurting myself right now and making me sadder, but I can't stop it. I can't stop the sadness that I feel suffocating me. So please don't judge me. I wish I was well enough to do those things right now.
I know that I'll snap out of this period of sadness. I know I'll laugh again and have the ridiculous amount of energy I usually do. But right now, I need you to support my sadness. Sometimes all I need is a time out from everything going on. I'm a broke college student that feels uncomfortably overwhelmed sometimes. And I know that's okay, too.
