My birthday was last Thursday. Birthdays are usually filled with excitement and happiness, but for me it went way beyond that. You know that special feeling you get the night before your birthday? My birthday eve was filled with those feelings, but in another part of my brain I was anticipating all that comes with the special day. The Facebook posts, phone calls, and constant stream of texts that I’d be receiving throughout the day were causing anxious thoughts to run through my head. Nothing can prepare an introvert for the overwhelming number of messages sent their way on their special day.
As a birthday first, I spent the day mostly alone. Knowing beforehand that this is how I’d be spending my birthday, I was ready for a peaceful, relaxing day. The first person to wish me happy birthday was the woman herself who gave birth to me. Her text came in a little before seven, after which a steady stream of texts from relatives, cousins, and friends continued throughout the morning.
By 10:30 a.m. I was back in bed, ready for a nap. I’d responded to about three of my birthday text messages, before I started stressing about responding to the others. It sounds like I’m ungrateful for all the wonderful people in my life, but I’m not. The stress does not come from a dislike or indifference toward these people. In fact, it’s the opposite. My dearest people, closest to my heart, thinking of me and wishing me a happy birthday makes it even harder for me to respond. Is a “thank you!” too simple? I can send this person a heart emoji, but probably shouldn’t send one to this one. These thoughts screamed through my mind each time I heard my phone ding, alerting me that someone was wishing me happiness on my special day. I spent quite a bit of time worrying and not nearly enough enjoying the love I was receiving. I was surprised to find myself worrying about these interactions because I thought I would float through the day without the stress of attention on me.
I went to work later that evening where I experienced a surprising relief when I realized none of my coworkers new it was my birthday. There is sometimes an awkwardness that lingers after someone wishes you a happy birthday and you continue to see him or her throughout the day. Do they feel they need to treat me special because today’s my day? Luckily, I could sail through my shift without worrying about what to say or feeling the need to analyze every word directed toward me.
The night ended with my aunt and cousin surprising me at my work when my shift ended. I was elated when I saw them. After a day filled with mostly online interactions, it was great to see family in person. In fact, I felt so much relief spending even a half hour with a few people I love, that all my worries and stresses from previous interactions faded away. I was left with love and happiness in my heart, knowing that whether I see someone in person or get a message from them over Facebook, they just wanted me to have a great birthday.
