How To Overthrow A Government In 5 Easy Steps

How To Overthrow A Government In 5 Easy Steps

A step-by-step guide.
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1. Be Angry

Congratulations! You have decided to overthrow a government! Good for you! But you’ve still got a lot of work to do. Just deciding you want to overthrow the government isn’t good enough. You need passion, you need a fire inside. Maybe a government employee was rude to you at one point. Maybe you’re afraid their new health regulations will cut down the volume of those insanely huge sodas you get from every fast food joint. Or maybe you just really, really hate the DMV. You can’t be chill about this. You’re rousing people to act upon their petty desires, so you need to be angry. If you can’t manage anger, just yell a lot. If you don’t have a lot of social interaction in real life, use Twitter and Facebook. Yelling is nearly impossible on these sites, but it can be achieved by EXCESSIVELY USING ALL CAPS. UNNATURAL AMOUNTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS ALSO WORK WONDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! With these tools, you’re bound to attract followers, even with the charisma of a cardboard cutout of Mitt Romney and the charm of a toddler in the midst of a temper tantrum.


2. You Are Infallible

The sheer fact that you’re starting a revolution isn’t enough. Despite your best efforts, people might doubt your Glorious Upheaval. This might be because the face of the revolution, AKA you, are an imperfect human being. Or are you? You need to rebrand yourself. If someone calls you out on some logical fallacy, don’t stoop to their level and fight back with logic. It’s your job to transcend the boring mumbo-jumbo that entails factual evidence, and instead use blunt and brash rhetoric. After all, logic is for politicians, and you aren’t a politician. You’re fighting the politicians. Logic is just a tool the politicians use to oppress you and your people.

Your followers will appreciate this simplicity. Instead of needing to follow some complex web of ideas, they’ll instead have a single concept to focus all of their thought upon. And that single concept, of course, is, “[your name here] is perfect, and must be put into power! All hail our God-Emperor!”


3. Slander, Slander, Slander!

No matter who you are, you’ll always meet opposition, whether it’s from the corrupt bourgeoisie, their mindless followers, rival revolutionaries, or whatever other demographic falsely doubts your infallibility. When faced with adversity, it’s time to do what most politicians do. Fling mud like there’s no tomorrow. If the other guy looks worse than you, the mindless thousands will flock to your message like moths to a mudflinging flame. There are several ways to go about this. Twitter is a great way to branch out to people who are incapable of thought more complex than that which can be conveyed in more than 140 characters. There, you can post all sorts of rumors and lies about your rival, or treat minor areas where your opponent disagrees with you like they’re a matter of life and death. He likes pineapple on his pizza? He’s Satan incarnate! Her favorite color is lime green? She’s secretly one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse in disguise!


4. Unpaid Interns

Still running low on freedom fighters for your glorious cause? Look no further than interns! Interns are great. You don’t have to pay them; all you need to do is promise them a position in your new world order! Not only that, but interns can be the symbol of imperfection in your glorious revolution. If something goes awry, you can blame it on your interns and remain infallible. Was there a logical fallacy in your speech about the corrupt bourgeoisie? Blame it on the poor sod you had writing your speech! What’s that? You wrote that speech yourself? Well, they don’t know that. The point is, interns are perfect scapegoats for everything, and anything they do in your name can be explained away by, “I don’t know why I’m doing this, man, I’m just the intern.”


5. Delegate, Delegate, Delegate!

Congratulations! You’ve toppled the government! You and your followers and your unpaid interns have overrun the capital and founded your new world order! You have been put in power over the squabbling masses! What’s that? You don’t know how to run a country? Good news, you don’t have to! Need to balance the budget? Grab your cousin who majored in accounting. Have no idea how to run an education system? That old lady who taught your first grade class is still alive. But never let on that you have no idea what you’re doing. Remember: You’re infallible.


Happy Dictatorship, my dude! And remember me when you reign supreme over the world. And maybe give me a nice theatre budget…?

Cover Image Credit: https://noonobservation.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/1830-july-revolution.jpg

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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Why The Idea Of 'No Politics At The Dinner Table' Takes Place And Why We Should Avoid It

When did having a dialogue become so rare?

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Why has the art of civilized debate and conversation become unheard of in daily life? Why is it considered impolite to talk politics with coworkers and friends? Expressing ideas and discussing different opinions should not be looked down upon.

I have a few ideas as to why this is our current societal norm.

1. Politics is personal.

Your politics can reveal a lot about who you are. Expressing these (sometimes controversial) opinions may put you in a vulnerable position. It is possible for people to draw unfair conclusions from one viewpoint you hold. This fosters a fear of judgment when it comes to our political beliefs.

Regardless of where you lie on the spectrum of political belief, there is a world of assumption that goes along with any opinion. People have a growing concern that others won't hear them out based on one belief.

As if a single opinion could tell you all that you should know about someone. Do your political opinions reflect who you are as a person? Does it reflect your hobbies? Your past?

The question becomes "are your politics indicative enough of who you are as a person to warrant a complete judgment?"

Personally, I do not think you would even scratch the surface of who I am just from knowing my political identification.

2. People are impolite.

The politics themselves are not impolite. But many people who wield passionate, political opinion act impolite and rude when it comes to those who disagree.

The avoidance of this topic among friends, family, acquaintances and just in general, is out of a desire to 'keep the peace'. Many people have friends who disagree with them and even family who disagree with them. We justify our silence out of a desire to avoid unpleasant situations.

I will offer this: It might even be better to argue with the ones you love and care about, because they already know who you are aside from your politics, and they love you unconditionally (or at least I would hope).

We should be having these unpleasant conversations. And you know what? They don't even need to be unpleasant! Shouldn't we be capable of debating in a civilized manner? Can't we find common ground?

I attribute the loss of political conversation in daily life to these factors. 'Keeping the peace' isn't an excuse. We should be discussing our opinions constantly and we should be discussing them with those who think differently.

Instead of discouraging political conversation, we should be encouraging kindness and understanding. That's how we will avoid the unpleasantness that these conversations sometimes bring.

By avoiding them altogether, we are doing our youth a disservice because they are not being exposed to government, law, and politics, and they are not learning to deal with people and ideas that they don't agree with.

Next Thanksgiving, talk politics at the table.

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