Maturity can mean different things to everyone.
To me, maturity is perseverance -- the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks, and stick with it until it is finished. One who is constantly changing jobs, changing friends and changing partners is immature to me. He/she cannot stick it out because they haven't grown up.
I also think maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, "I was wrong." And, when he is right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so." It's the ability to live up to your responsibilities, and this means being dependable. It means keeping your word. Dependability is the hallmark of integrity. Do you mean what you say -- and do you say what you mean? Unfortunately, the world is filled with people who can't be counted on. When you need them most, they are among the missing. They never seem to come through in the clutches. They break promises and substitute alibis for performance. They show up late or not at all. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a chaotic maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialize. They are always a day late and a dollar short.
I know I have the maturity that I need in order to sustain relationships and to succeed in life. However, because you can't trust anyone nowadays... I overthink a lot of things...everything actually all the time. It really sucks when I start overthinking because it becomes this self-destructive thing that just takes over my mind and my entire life for a few hours, or a few days, until I manage to take control of myself again. It genuinely feels like a poison in my body, and it just feeds off of these simple, innocent thoughts that I have every now and then, and it takes them and it just keeps asking them, "But what if?" It goes on until I'm at a situation in my mind that I've constructed that I physically fear and can't handle.
That's honestly why I haven't made "original" posts on Facebook lately, and why I don't post on Instagram every now and then. This also goes along with posting and sharing my articles, as ridiculous as that sounds, I worry that I have become irrelevant in a short amount of time, and that you guys wouldn't care a year from now, or 6 months from now, or you already don't. It all sounds ridiculous, but it really scares me. When you get scared you have two options. You can either face your fears or runaway and hide. Let me tell you this... Until now, making this article for you all, hiding is what I have been doing. That's why I haven't been tempting to post and share on social media (eventually I don't sometimes), why I have been keeping to myself and not talking to my friends often (both from AMDA and my high school), and that's why I don't feel like I am a mature person because I have been hiding from the world.
Feeling like myself again is something that will overcome with time (like everything else in life), but making this article is at least a step in the right direction. It's constructive and it's admitting that I have been weak and that I've been cowardly, and I don't want to be that person anymore. This is the decision and the action of pulling myself out of the dark place that I have been keeping myself for the past few days, and putting an end to it..
This article doesn't have a message, and I'm not giving anyone my advice or my opinion. This is just an article that I have made of my honest, imperfect self. Why? Because that's what I want to do in this community. Quoting from my bio, I want to be honest and transparent with you guys. So, I'm sorry that I have been hiding both to you guys and myself because I want you guys to keep on smiling, and I want to be a better me for the both of us... I really do! That's why you're going to hear from me this week, and then next week, and the week after that. Also... I'm going to keep acting, singing, and dancing my butt off (even if it takes me an eternity to get into Equity) because this is what I love, and it shouldn't be something I'm afraid of!
"Stay strong, keep moving,
Can't let the darkness blind us.
Carry on, we'll be the ones,
To pull the stars down to us!" - Trevor Wentworth (Our Last Night)
