Sometimes my life is marked by this incomprehensible sense of restlessness. I think I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel this way most of the time. It's kind of deep rooted and sits heavily in my chest, dancing back and forth between my head and heart, but it never stays in one place long enough to enable me to pinpoint it. A deep breath and closing of my eyes brings me back to my present, allowing it to subside momentarily. However, as soon as I snap out of this transient state, it bounces right back. It never leaves for its long past due vacation.
Jennie Allen, an incredible woman with an immense sense of purpose, just led a group of young women and myself through a study that she crafted, ironically, named "Restless." Her life was everything she had ever wanted at the time. She had a brand new baby, new house and supportive husband, yet there was something that she felt was missing. Even after all of her suffering, in the calm of her storm, she felt empty while she had everything and then some sitting right in front of her.
As it turns out, I think we'd all be lying if we said that we didn't feel this way at least some of the time. I, personally, am in no great hurry to get on with the rest of my life. I am on the edge of twenty, finding myself, my purpose and have my entire life ahead of me, yet I have this restlessness holding me back as it tries to push me forward simultaneously. I have a perfect support system, an able body and an ambition that I am proud to emit, but it has yet to come together, and I am restless. It's not that I'm discontent, no. It's more like the thought of the future is too intimately mixed with the present moment, causing this restlessness
For Jennie, the answer to her restlessness was God. Honestly, for me, the answer to my restlessness (or at least some of it) was Jennie and her study. However, there's a difference. There is a difference between being restless and fighting it and being restless and using it. There's a difference between living in the present in order to better ourselves for the future and being stuck in it as we fret over the petty details of what we do not yet know. Often times, we are able to recognize our restlessness, but what we are not aware of is that we can use this restlessness to reach our goals and aspirations. We can use it to become the versions of ourselves that are able to be excited for the future and to not become restless about the uncertainty of it as we dwell in it.
It may not be God that allows you to pinpoint your restlessness, but, then again, it could be. Whatever it may be, however, I believe that it is important that we do not shy away from the feeling of discontentment that we so often get as we think about our characters and the long road ahead. Do not fight your restlessness. Use it in order to find what it is your head and your heart are searching for. This may be the missing stepping stone in your lifelong journey that your restlessness has caused to come to a halt.
