In college, they say you make lifelong friends, and can even find your future bridesmaids. I thought I had found that when I approached my junior year and had been part of the same group of friends for three years. I mean, we even created a group message that would blow up 24/7. Being a part of that group message was like a privilege, and if you were added, it meant you were one of us. We controlled who we wanted to be our next prodigies. It was weird if no one was talking. I couldn’t deal with silence anymore; my phone had to be buzzing, and I had to be in constant communication with them.
We really did have such a great bond. Don’t get me wrong— I love these people to death but losing them was the best thing that could have happened to me. As I approached my senior year, I realized people go in different directions. Some focus on their careers and some focus on finding themselves. Sometimes, you are just meant to drift apart. For me, it was because I was tired. I was so sick of pretending—pretending to like people, biting my tongue at things that happened, and not being myself.
While the events that caused us to drift can never really be changed, nor would I want them to, losing some of those relationships reawakened the person I was missing for far too long. It’s hard realizing that some of those friendships were based on fitting in and keeping up appearances. But coming to terms with that made me realize how much of myself I hid from them, how many deep conversations were never had, how many parties I found myself not knowing about, and how many secrets they had kept hidden from me and vice versa.
Losing them was heartbreaking, but finding myself was more important. I may not be in the know anymore, get 600 texts a day, or even be “popular,” but I became myself. I found friends that shared my love for late-night Kroger runs, spending the money we didn’t have, and being able to cry when things got hard. For the first time in my life, I feel calm.
Drifting apart is a hard thing to come to terms with. Being on the outside looking in, I don’t know how I lasted this long suppressing my true self to be something I was clearly not. If there is one thing I have learned, it is to be true to who you are. Never sacrifice yourself to fit in, and speak the truth even if it’s hard and not popular opinion.
At the end of the day, be happy with yourself. If they are truly your friends for life, then you will always find a way back to one another.
(Try giving this song a listen while you'rereading: Jordan Pruitt, "No Ordinary Girl")
