The human mind is truly the scariest thing of all. It is worse than the demon that waits in the night to creep onto you. It is worse than the curse that lingers above your perfectly conditioned head. It is worse than the sound of teeth chomping into human flesh.
Unlike these other things, you can't block out your own mind. You can't simply ignore your thoughts like you can ignore demons and curses. You can try to make up excuses as to why your mind works in the ways it does, just like you can make up an excuse as to why you can ignore a curse or a demon's presence (because you watched a scary movie).
But it doesn't work that way. The human brain is so complex, so bizarre, that you can't explain anything it does.
I like to think that when I wake up in the morning, I'm scary. My face consists of rosacea, leftover mascara, and dried drool. My hair resembles a bush after a storm-messy and is full of debris. A young woman who looks like this first thing in the morning is quite scary. She is scary because she has yesterday glued to her face. She has things surrounding her lovely cranium. How they got there, we don't know. I don't know.
The things that surround her lovely, brilliant cranium are the things that we call debris. They are the things that prevent her from her activities of daily living. They hold her back and restrict the things she can do. Although these things surround her, they are also trapped inside of her. How we release them, we don't know.
Although I'm scary when I wake up, I'm not as scary as the things trapped inside of my brilliant brain. Nothing will ever be as scary as that.
The Urban Dictionary says that "scary" is alarming and to be full of fear. Does this mean that the brain is full of fear? Or that the mind is alarmed? If this is what scary means? And we apply it to the fact that the human mind is the scariest thing, then does this mean that the mind can only be scary due to its environment? Isn't it our environment that makes us fearful? Or is it our fearful mind that causes us to literally be full of fear?
The difference between a fearful mind and a fearful self is that a fearful mind is one we can't control. No, not even our own. Trying to explain the human brain is hard enough, but trying to explain how a fearful brain functions, and why it functions the way it does, is like trying to explain why a circle shape doesn't fit into the triangle shape of a kids toy. You can try to explain it, but the more you try, the more complicated things get. The more of the mystery you uncover, the more questions you have. So go ahead, try to explain why and how a fearful mind functions. But the more you uncover about this topic, the further you must elaborate.
What makes the human mind such a scary place is that we have limited control over the mind. We, as humans, cannot tell our minds to "calm down, don't over exaggerate." I mean, granted we can, but it doesn't work like that. There are a lot of things that just "don't work like that." Such as, you can't force yourself to love someone you don't have feelings for. It just doesn't work like that. Unless you want to be miserable and destructive. We can try to tell ourselves how we want to act, behave, etc. Whether or not the mind listens to us is unknown.
The mind is the scariest place to be because once you get in, you can't get out.
It's like a forever haunted house. If you don't understand your mind and how it works, it truly is just this — a forever haunted house. The worst part about this haunted house your mind is in is that you can't get out. It's dark, cold, and there's nobody else around. Being inside and out of touch with my mind was like being trapped either in a haunted house or under water. My thoughts were primarily composed of dark, cold, and brutal images. Images of being dead, killing myself, or of being so alone that I rotted from my soul out.
These dark images clouded my once sunny ones. I forgot what sunshine looked like, what flowers smelled like, and what it meant to be alive. I forgot how to live, love, and be genuine. It is in the phase of forgetting these things that I forgot who I was. This is what made my mind the scariest place I could be.
There truly is no way to get out of this place alive and alone. You can either get out alone and dead, or you can get out alive with help. For me, I chose to get help. The help I turned to was a group of professionals. They were skilled in helping people who couldn't help themselves and those who didn't know how to help themselves. The skilled professionals whom I sought help from were uneducated, inexperienced, narcissistic assholes. At least this is what my mind told me over and over. They didn't know who I was, what I needed, and they didn't give a damn if I truly got better or not. This is what I was told daily by the one who was closest to me — it was my mind.
Not only am I in a dark place with clouded images of my life, but I'm here being told lie after lie, day after day. Once you begin to hear the same thing over and over again, you start to believe it — whatever it is. That it could be nothing more than a simple lie. However, that it could also be the line that is drawn at life or death. Luckily for me, I managed to break out of the haunted house before that line of life or death was drawn for me by my mind.
It is the mere fact that I escaped the haunted house alive and as well as I could be that I think of the mind as being the scariest place to be. At least alone. And if you're not in the house alone, soon you will be. You're lucky if you are able to tell others how scary the mind is and how obscure it can be. It is our respectful duty as survivors of the haunted house to educate others of the darkness and how to not only escape the darkness but to find the light.
Because every haunted house has a light in it somewhere, you just have to find it.
