Many people don't know that I've been single for about six months now. I guess if you don't put it on Facebook these days, then people aren't in the know. This did have its perks. It was nice dealing with the breakup very privately. I'd be lying if I said these past six months have been a walk in the park. It's a very different experience going from a four-year relationship to being single.
For the last four years, I got to experience everything with the same person. From volleyball games to graduation and going off to college together. Every high and low I had in my life, there was someone there to catch me if I fell or to cheer me on when I succeed. Because of this, I started to rely on that person for my happiness. This resulted in falling on my face a lot.
Over the last couple of months, I have figured out how to make myself happy and how to keep myself in a good headspace. I have realized that I am happier when I put in the time and effort to better myself, and that's exactly what I've been doing -- bettering myself. I didn't realize how much relationship weight was a thing and that you really start to mimic what your partner does.
I didn't realize how consumed I got into one person and one area of my life that I neglected a lot of important parts of my life, like my mental and physical health. I have pushed myself harder in the past few months than I have in a long time. I'm working out and eating extremely better. I'm sleeping on a somewhat normal schedule for my age. I'm working 40 hours a week, I've been reading self-improvement books, and really paying attention to the good and bad day-to-day habits I have in life.
Just being in a long term relationship at my age was weird, but it was even weirder getting out of it.
During this time I've been really sad, but I've also been the happiest and most in tune with myself than ever before.
At this time, my goal is to be the best version of myself, so when the next guy comes along, I am more than ready and capable to hold up my end of the relationship. Love is so weird because it will always be a guiding force in our lives, but you can't love someone else if you don't know what it's like to really be alone and to get to know yourself on a really personal level.
The weirdest thing is I could be single forever if I stayed in this state of mind, but I'm also ready to find my person. The hardest decision I had to make was realizing my worth and admitting enough is enough. Things that matter in our lives are hard, but you have to know that you are what matters most.