Our photo was once taken when we were off guard and for some reason I find myself looking back at it and smiling. We were sat on your bed and for some reason we were laughing. You were looking at me with a big grin across your face, and I can really bet that it was a good conversation we had because I find you to be full of life and fun.
In that photo, I didn’t have any trace of makeup on, and for me, that’s not very normal. Usually I find myself to be a cake face. Known for always having my eyeliner winged and highlight glowing. But since we met, I don’t feel the pressure or need to pack it on. And that’s because for the first time somebody told me I didn’t need it and I look good without it and you actually seemed to mean it. So for once in my life, I don’t feel ugly and disgusting going bare faced in public. I feel pretty because you make me feel like I am and that’s something I could never repay.
There’s something about you that I just don’t get. I don’t really get it, but you are you and I am I, but we somehow manage to be our true selves with each other and that’s so peaceful. You let me be myself and I adore who you are. Please, never change.
Thinking about all of this makes it all the more painful right now though because I know I’ll never get myself to tell you how I feel for you unless I’m incredibly drunk or high. Maybe if you opened up first, it wouldn’t be so hard. But otherwise, I couldn’t do it, and I know how pathetic it is.
Something about you keeps me coming back around and you make me feel so incredibly whole unlike anybody else. Especially that one time you hugged me when we were in your dorm alone and I had such an awful day that I ended up in tears. There’s something about you and your arms around me and the way you told me how it was going to be alright and I was okay and at the end of the day everything would be as it’s supposed to be and that you cared about me and were here for me.
Please, please never take those words back. Don’t take it back that you care about me because even if it’s extremely pathetic, I need it more than anything right now. And when you say it, I know you mean it. I know you care about me and I hope one day I’ll gain the strength to tell you how I care for you too. Even if it’s just platonic. I’ll get there one day and tell you, hopefully.
Everything about you makes me nervous and I get these uncontrollable butterflies in my stomach whenever you smile at me. In the back seat of that packed to capacity car, you reached around and did that cute thing you do of playing with my hair and tapping your fingers on my shoulder. I adore how you do that and I adore you as a whole. You’re a bright soul with a cute smile and adorable laugh and shining personality. To me, you’re perfect and I pray that one day we work out. But, I know that everything is going to work out how it’s supposed to in the end so maybe if I’m lucky, fate will favor us.
One day, I hope our photo makes it into a frame next to our bed.
