In a conversation with my best friend last week, I told her I was glad I decided not to have kids because I didn't want my kids to have my life. To look like me, to sound like me, to act like me, to think like me. I suck. And my life sucks. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone.

Someone with my genes may be cursed with my life - especially if they were born of me. My bestie said "they say babies come from Heaven, but I think some babies come from Hell. That would explain why some kids lives are so messed up. Being born disabled or ugly or with a learning disability or just endures a terrible life."

I don't know why what she said struck me so, that's an awful thing to assume, right? Or is it? I've often felt my life is so terrible because I'm paying for sins my soul committed in a previous life. That could be true too. It also could be that I was one of the unlucky Hell babies right?

How would my besties theory work if that were the case? I personally have never heard the saying about babies coming from Heaven before. I assume its a saying because babies are beautiful and precious and (if you're a Christian) a product in the image of God.

So what would Lucifer gain from sending babies from Hell? To contrast the good on Earth with evil? Why would the babies Lucifer send have horrible lives instead of just being horrible themselves?

I think my bestie had an interesting theory, that I initially even agreed with. Thinking on it more though, I feel like if it is true that Lucifer sends babies to Earth as well, his babies would be evil themselves instead of having terrible lives.

So why do some children born of God have such terrible lives? Obviously, I feel like a variety of factors contribute to this. One of them could be that they've just unluckily come across too many people and situations touched by Lucifer instead of people and situations touched by God. I also hold onto to the theory I came to about my own life that maybe they too are paying for sins their souls committed in a previous lifetime.

Then again, who knows? Both I and my bestie suffer from a major depressive disorder, so maybe our horrible lives are just figments of our depressed imaginations. Maybe we need to find our own Morpheus so we can stop being red pillars and be blue pillars. That way we can live in a real world full of love and happiness instead of a world of death and despair and loneliness.

Even though I'm glad I don't want to have kids of my own anymore, I do like this old saying that babies come from Heaven. Their too beautiful and innocent to not come from a place of beauty, innocence, and peace.