To the Girl Who Cares Too Much,

They don't understand. I know they don't understand. They've never understood the pain that you face every time you start to think, the feeling of hurt that sinks in the moment your mind starts to create all of the nasty situations, all of the terrible things that people say about you.

Even when you don't know for sure that they have said them or even will say them.

They don't understand that the problem isn't that you pay too much attention to your feelings, but that you have too many feelings all at once, all nagging for your undivided attention. The feelings that want to tell you that you've messed up, that it's time to just give up because they're right: you're a terrible person.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

Silence the thoughts, silence the hateful words that may have never truly come into existence, never passed the lips of those that you barely even know.

"I can't. I just can't."

It's not that simple, I know.

They don't understand that you hide your true thoughts, monitor your every word, just to protect yourself from your emotions.

You can't just let it go. It's not holding a grudge, it's holding the desire to be liked by everyone, the desire to avoid the negative feelings by keeping everyone's thoughts on your positive qualities. All you ever try to do is protect yourself from your own self-destruction, from convincing yourself that what they may or may not be said against you is right.

I wish I could tell you just to let it go, let it roll like water off of a duck's back.

I wish I could, but I won't.

I won't because I know, for you, it won't work. For you, it's never as easy as shrugging your shoulders and saying "oh well, I can't control what other people think of me and it doesn't matter anyway." To you, it will always matter what any and everyone thinks of you.

They shouldn't, but the opinions of others have the power to boost you to new levels and the power to tear you down to the lowest point in your life, dragging to your knees in search of the action which caused you to lose your good reputation.

I know you probably don't know the answers, but I want you to ask yourself why these opinions matter so much. Just try to think of every time you've ever felt the strangling inability to focus because you couldn't figure out what you had done to make somebody think poorly of you.

Was it because you really cared what they think? Was it because you were afraid that they had seen some part of you that you tried to hide from the world? Were you afraid of the things that they might say in revenge of whatever you had done wrong? Were you afraid that they would tell lies about you, tear you down with things that you know aren't true, but others might see as such? Were you afraid of the rumors before they even began to circulate?

What causes your fear when somebody gives you any reason to think they might not think the very highest of you?

Why do you care so much?

You care because, yes, it does matter what others think of you. You know that the people that you interact with may have power in the near or distant future, the power that may bring you closer or farther away from success and happiness.

That doesn't mean you should sacrifice your mental wellbeing at the expense of what others may think. You should never lose sleep over the fact that someone may not absolutely adore you, never fear that failing to send an email on time will ruin your reputation for years to come, never stress over putting your foot down to stand up for others--even when it may cost you a casual acquaintance.

Just remember that people like to victimize themselves when they know they are in the wrong. Just remember that you've always wanted to do the right thing, wanted to help others, even if it meant taking an emotional wound yourself. You have to remember that you can handle it, have to suck it up and keep going in order to fight for those that truly can't.

If you're doing the right thing, it shouldn't matter that a few people thought you were being "rude." If it was truly the right thing to do and you tried your best to be gentle, fair, and firm, you've done all that you can. What they think no longer matters.

When it comes to maintaining a good reputation and a stable, positive image of yourself, all that matters at the end of the day is what you think of yourself and that should not be destroyed by those that don't get to see what you go through to lift others up.

I know you can't change the fact that your emotions dictate so much of your life. You've always been the girl that cares too much about how you feel, how others may feel, how others might think of you and how that makes you feel.

The most important thing to remember is that you care how others feel because that will get you far in life. That will help you reach your goal of helping others live a better life.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Cares About Others